Always been you//Jolex

Chapter 5

Just as I'm about to go through the door, I pause.
"What if she doesn't forgive me for leaving her?" I say, mostly thinking out loud.
"Jo, we both grew up in the system. It sucks. And with all she's going through, I- I think she'll be happy to meet her mother."
I nod, but I still don't go into the room. I don't think she's seen me standing here yet, I could turn back. But that's not what I want.
"Jo, you were in the same situation with your mom. What if she came back for you? Wouldn't you have wanted a chance to know her?"
"I guess so."
I walk into the room, smiling, and Alex stands in the doorway.
"Hey, Sadie! I'd like for you to meet someone. This is Doctor- this is Jo."
"Hi." She says, looking up from a book.
"Can I sit?" I say, motioning towards the bed.
"Sure." She says, putting her book down.
"I'm Jo Karev. I'm a Doctor here too. But I'm not one of your doctors. I'm actually here for a different reason. Sadie," I pause and reach for her hand. "I'm your birth mother."
She looks at me for a second, and I can't exactly tell what she's thinking. She bites her lip and nods slowly, scanning me slowly through squinting eyes. She goes another moment without saying anything, and suddenly her monitor alarm goes off. Her heart rate is really high, and Alex steps in and hooks her up to oxygen.
"Hey, it's okay Sadie. Breathe." He says in efforts to calm her. "We need to get her to an OR. Let's put in an LVAD, it will buy her some time before we get her a heart. Call up and tell them we're coming and page Pierce!"
A nurse nearby rushes to fill his requests, and I rush to follow behind her.
"Jo, you can't-" he starts, but I cut him off.
"Like hell I can't. I'm not leaving her again. Now get out of my way before I run you down."
"Jo, I get it. But she's getting worse by the second and I need to get her to the OR right now. You need to let me do my job, and sit in the waiting room and I will have someone update you hourly. I've got her."
He runs out of the room towards the elevator to go the the OR floor, and for the first time in my life, I'm not a doctor. Just a scared family member in the waiting room.
Tears fill my eyes, and I make my way to the waiting area so I can sit down and get it together. I wonder what the intern who comes to update me will think about this. Will they ask why I'm in the family area?
My eyes flutter shut at some point, and I awake almost 5 hours later to the sound of my name.
"Doctor Karev? Doctor Karev."
It's Helm, and she waits for me to wake up.
"How is she?" I say, standing up to fast.
"Doctor Pierce inserted the device without complications, and they're closing now. It won't be much longer until she's out, and then you can go see her."
I nod, remembering what had happened. I feel awful for yelling at Alex, but I didn't mean it. He knows I didn't mean it. I was just scared.
Alex comes out about 45 minutes later, and I wonder what was taking so long.
"Hey. She's stable and in recovery, we can go see her right now."
I grab his hand and we walk to where she is resting, still under from the anesthesia. I sit beside her, holding her hand. Alex stands behind me, rubbing my back.
"Hey, I'm sorry about before, I know you where just trying to help." I say.
"Jo, this is a lot to go through in a very short amount of time. For anyone. You don't need to apologize."
Her eyes flutter open a few hours after thatlater, and she turns to me.
"Hey! You did really good. Doctor Karev put it a special device that will help regulate how your heart beats, and it should help."
"So do I still need a new heart?" She asks.
"Well, this will just give us more time to find you a match, but you will still need a new heart."
"Jo?"
"Yeah?" I reply.
"Please don't leave me again, okay?"
My heart breaks into a million pieces, and tears stings my eyes. I try to hold them back, but Alex can tell I feel awful. I nod, and reply to her words which haven't stopped running through my head once this whole time.
"Okay." I say, my voice breaking.
"Are you hungry, Sadie? I can go get you something to eat. Whatever you like." Alex chimes in, to distract us both.
"No thank you, but can I have some water?" She says, and I pour her a glass and hold the straw to her lips.
She goes in and out of sleep for the next few hours, until she's eventually asleep for the night. I sit by her side the entire time, Alex by mine.
"I'm having a nurse bring in a cot for you, and then I'm going to have Bailey give you the rest of the night off. Okay?"
"Yeah. Thank you, baby." I say, giving him a kiss. "You should go home and get some sleep. We'll be okay."
"It's okay, I'll stay with you for now. I'm on call anyway, and I'd rather not sleep in an empty bed."
We lay together on the small, squeaky cot once the nurse sets it up in the room, but I don't fall asleep for a long time. I'm watching her monitor, her vitals, making sure she's still breathing.
Is this what it feels like to be a mom?