Our Little Secret [Jeon Jungkook FF]

Chapter 7: I Don't Want to be Tied to You

I hopped into the shower and spent a good while in it. This is my time to arrange my thoughts, arrange all that I have to say to Jungkook. I'm finally going to tell him that I want to end this. Hopefully this doesn't ruin our friendship because I really do enjoy having him as a friend, but I also have to accept that that's all we'll ever be. I am also ready to accept the fact that I'll be breaching the contract that I have with BigHit. Either way I look at it, it's a lose-lose situation for me. It makes me anxious to think that in an hour my life will be back to normal. I won't be some semi famous model, I won't be the girlfriend of BTS's Jungkook, i'll finally again just be Y/N.

I took a deep breathe as I exited the shower. I can do this, I know I can. I'm a strong woman.

The ringing of my phone startled me. I made my way over to the counter and looked towards the caller ID. My heart dropped looking towards it. I took another deep breathe and answered the phone, "Hey kook." I spoke softly, trying to keep my breathing under control.

"Are you almost ready? I'm about 15 minutes from your place." his tone was normal as always.

"Yeah, I'll be done by the time you get here." I smiled to myself, but it vanished pretty quickly. It's not like we're meeting up to do anything fun, but Jungkook is yet to know that. He's yet to know the real meaning on why I called earlier to invite him over.

"Okay, great. See you soon." he hung up the phone.

I took yet another deep breathe. Slowly I felt a ping in my chest and my breathe started to heave. I can feel the tears beginning to build up. I don't want to envision his expression when I tell him, but it's all I can see when I close my eyes. He's going to be so upset. I felt the heat off of the tear that strolled down the side of my face.

I looked towards myself in the reflection of my mirror and wiped my tear away. I gave myself one last pep talk before I walked into the room and got dressed. I settled for sweats and a basic tee. I slowly walked into the living room and sat until Jungkook would arrive. I tried to ignore the erratic beating of my heart, but I just couldn't.

After a while the door bell rang and I slowly got up from the couch. Finally with another deep breathe I made my way over to the door and slowly answered it with a weak smile, "Hey kook, come in." I looked down towards the ground and as he walked in I pushed the door closed.

"Hey is something up? You don't seem too happy to see me..." he walked over to the couch and plopped himself down. The smile he had when I answered the door had long dropped.

He continued to look off towards me standing by the door while my eyes were averting his, "Yeah, it's just that..." my chest pinged again just thinking about what's going to happen.

"Y/N... come on, what's the matter?" he looked towards me again and this time our eyes met.

I gulped harshly... I don't think I can do this like I thought. My breathing was slowly beginning to grow heavy. I feel a knot in my stomach, I feel like i'm going to throw up. I slowly felt myself beginning to hyperventilate.

"Y/N..." he rushed over to me and felt my forehead, "Oh my gosh, you're boiling. If you were sick why didn't you tell me?! I would've brought a cooling pack and some medicine." there's his gentle, selfless side starting to come out, only making this so much harder for me to do.

I slowly moved his hand from my forehead, "Kookie I'm not sick..." I retorted.

"Yeah right, why else would you be acting the way you are?" he scoffed.

"I'm... I'm just really anxious about what is about to go down." I felt the knot move to my throat.

"Y/N, what are you talking about?" he raised a brow, "What's about to go down?".

"Kook please sit..." I added as to which he watched me with curiosity as he made his way back over to the couch.

"Okay, come on Y/N... this suspense is killing me." he sighed.

I thought this over one last time and I finally decided to just say it, "Kook, when you didn't show up to my event it broke my heart." he intervened.

"I thought I already apologized for that Y/N, I told you already that I'm sorry." he added.

"Kook I know you apologized, but you just don't understand... when you didn't show up that night it made something very clear to me. You made me realize that in your world I will never come first. I know that she's your girlfriend Jungkook and I know she deserves to come first." I can tell he wanted to say something but I quickly continued, "But I will never come first, not even being your best friend. Not even being the one who is always by your side through every single accomplishment and important moment with you." a tear fell from my eye, but I quickly wiped it, "Jungkook I freaking fell in love with you, but after the event, I realized that I'm living this fantasy for nothing, because that's all it'll ever be. A fantasy. Nothing will ever come from this, ever." the tears fell at a more rapid pace.

"Y/N... when did- when did you fall for me?" he raised a brow, his face was pale.

"A long time ago..." I sobbed harder, "I didn't want to fall for you because I knew from the start how in love with Eunha you were, so I really tried to forget my feelings, but it just didn't work." I continued to cry, I felt so vulnerable, "I can't do this anymore. I can't continue to put your relationship before myself. I've spent months working with you on trying to keep this secret, but it's been so exhausting, so draining. Kook, I spend more time worrying about this secret than I do about anything else, more that I think about my own well being. Jimin and I talked the other night, he agrees. He sees that this is taking a toll on me and he told me I should just end all of this... so I am." I just stood there frozen as I realized the expression on Jungkook's face. It's exactly as I imagined.

He looked around everywhere except at me, "Why didn't you just tell me? Don't you think I deserved to know about this? Did the guys know?" I nodded my head in response to his question to which he gulped, "Everyone knew about your true feelings except me Y/N, really?" he appeared genuinely hurt, "Jimin told you to end this? End what exactly?" his voice came off a bit harsh.

"The lie. The feelings, all of it. I don't want to be tied to you if it means I have to sit here and watch you be happy with someone that isn't me. This hurts Jungkook. I'm second best when I don't want to be, when I don't deserve it. I love you... I hate to say it, but I freaking love you." I cried out.

"Y/N..." I stopped him.

"Jungkook I know... it's unrequited. You don't have to sit here and tell me when I clearly already know." I tried to catch my breath, "Jungkook I want no part In this anymore. I just want to go back to my normal life, I just want to be able to be stress and worry free. If we can still be friends-" before I could finish, the unexpected happen, his lips pressed warmly against mine. My eyes widened... what is he doing? he pressed his lips onto mine harder, trying to get me to return it, but this wasn't right... it didn't feel right.

I pulled away and I slapped him, I had laid my hands on him, "What the fuck are you doing?!" I was exploding with anger. He looked deeply at me as he caressed his cheek.

"How could you? You still have a girlfriend, how would Eunha feel about what you just did?!" I began to shake slightly.

He began to stutter, he seemed shocked with himself, "I-I..." I stopped him.

"Jungkook get out of my house, now. I don't think you should be here..." I walked over to the door and opened it, "Please don't argue with me and just walk out that door." he gulped and quickly made his way out, as he walked past me he apologized.

I shut the door immediately. I'm confused, so confused. I laid my back against the door and slid down. I looked around my apartment and started to cry...