Lady Hyacinth Grimm vs the Nautilus

Chapter 2: The Traveling Position that Didn't

Two months later Hyacinth Grimm, Mad Scientist Fourth Class, was again standing in front of Doctor Thrikopolis, this time in her office. Seven hedgehogs, four squirrels, three voles and a weasel sorted through stacks of paper and flipped through reference tomes. Attached to each animal's head was a Thrikopolis Device, which resembled a metal colander secured under the chin with a leather strap. Tiny decorative gears spun on the outside of each device.

Doctor Thrikopolis didn't look up from her writing. "How dare you invade my inner sanctum?" she said in a monotone.

"It's during office hours."

Doctor Thrikopolis groaned. "You're back. Why aren't you halfway to Australia? And leave your Abomination of Science in the hall; the smell upsets the hedgehogs."

The Abomination shuffled out. "There was an issue with the traveling research position."

"Oh?"

"It stopped traveling. Her Royal Majesty's Airship Buoyancy sprang a leak."

"Well, accidents do--"

"They transferred me to the airship Steadfast, bound for New Zealand, while it was repaired."

"Fine. Why are you here?"

"The Steadfast was blown off course and crashed into a mountain."

"I'm sure if you contact my assistant, he can--"

"I did, and he found me a position on Her Royal Majesty's Airship Dauntless. Until it was chased out of the air by sky pirates. Then the Endurance dumped its entire fuel store and foundered during takeoff."

"Surely they could fix that."

"Yes, but the captain said I was bad luck and wanted me off her dirigible. Ridiculous superstitions these airmen have. Still, I was able to book passage on Her Royal Majesty's Airship Invincible."

Thrikopolis frowned. Hadn't she read that name recently? She whistled and the voles dragged over yesterday's newspaper.

"Invincible Disaster" the headline proclaimed. In breathless prose, the article described how, moments after boarding a single passenger, the Invincible simply fell out of the sky. As a result of the disaster, forty-two souls were lost and three misplaced so badly they fell out of the Karmic cycle. Aberrant Physics experts were competing to name the phenomenon while, as usual, the Cult of Cthulhu was calling for more human sacrifices.

Doctor Thrikopolis said, "I suppose that's an end to that; no captain will allow you on their airship now." She massaged her temples and considered the best way to get the headache standing in front of her to go away. "I don't suppose you have realized the folly of this path and decided to retire to spinsterhood?"

"I am not a superstitious commoner," Hyacinth said. "If I can't find a traveling position, I'll just come back here to work on my doctorate."

"No!" Thrikopolis would be on hiring committees every day for the rest of her tenure if Hyacinth's teachers made good on their threats to quit. "I'll find you another position. Charles!"

An eight-foot cyclops poked his head into the room. "Yes, doctor?"

"Find this woman another position. Also a backup position or two."

"Of course, doctor. Hmm. Perhaps on a watership?"

Thrikopolis kicked herself for not thinking of it herself; boats travelled so slowly that Lady Hyacinth wouldn't be back for years. "If you really can't think of anything better. Are there any circumnavigating the globe?"