Lady Hyacinth Grimm vs the Nautilus

Chapter 5: A Touch of Brain Surgery

Finally satiated, Hyacinth turned her attention to scientific pursuits. Specifically, she wanted to get set up in her lab and start making improvements to Bom-bom's language centers before her spare parts spoiled. It had taken significant effort--and two screaming tantrums--to get the brains in the first place, so she didn't want them to go to waste.

Hyacinth tried to retrace her steps to Aludel's lab, but she found herself at an unfamiliar one filled with wires, typewriters and megaphones. She was about to announce herself--perhaps this was Galena's workspace?--when she spotted the occupant: only four feet tall, the individual was wearing a winter jacket, multicolored scarf and a Russian fur hat with earflaps. The rest of their features were hidden behind top-of-the-line magnifying goggles, which marked them as a scientist of means.

Distressingly, Hyacinth couldn't recall being introduced to the scientist at all. She may not have caught all the names during the whirlwind of introductions that began the voyage, but she was certain she'd remember someone with such impressive goggles and lack of stature. She stared at the scientist; they stared back. Rather than make a social faux-pas, Hyacinth retreated and tried to find someone to make the introduction.

Mortis was not the ideal choice, not being of the gentry himself, but Hyacinth found his lab next. She tried to make do. "Mister Mortis, can I have your assistance with a social matter?"

"A social matter?" the middle-aged man said, looking around as if Hyacinth might actually be addressing someone else. His lab was filled with transparent vats of ooze and human-like bodies. Mortis was in the process of strapping knives to one of the homunculus' hands like a set of spiky brass knuckles.

"Yes. There has been a terrible oversight, and I have not been introduced to all the scientists aboard."

"But you were introduced to my wife and I, as I recall. And weren't you talking with Lady Aludel at tea?"

"Indeed. But what of the other scientist? The one wearing winter gear?" At Mortis' puzzled expression, she added, "The individual of short stature, wearing magnifying goggles?"

Mortis scratched his goatee. "I have not met such a person. Perhaps my wife can help. Galena, dear, could you come in a moment?"

"You're not going to trick me into an ambush again!" Galena yelled from the adjoining room.

"I don't need to ambush you; my superior creations can beat yours in a fair fight," he yelled back, "but Lady Hyacinth needs help with a social matter."

Lady Galena bustled into the lab. She had her pure white hair pulled back so tightly that the wrinkles on her forehead were pulled flat. She wore a stylish hat with numerous useful attachments that folded out on mechanical arms: a jeweler's loup, miniscule needle-nose pliers, and a sparking aetheric blowtorch.

"Lady Hyacinth, why on earth would you ask my husband for assistance with society?"

"It's only that--"

"He is an American, you realize."

"I had been told, but--"

"Surely I am the superior choice in such things."

"Yes--"

"I even knew your mother in university. She is only biologist I have ever respected."

"But isn't your husband--"

"Has dear Delphinium managed to create another man-eater?"

"Well, according to her last letter, her Giant Pitcher Plant tried to eat Papa just last week." Actually, Hyacinth had received several additional letters from her mother, but she hadn't opened any since receiving fourth-class ranking. She knew full well what her mother would think of that and didn't need it spelled out.