Lady Hyacinth Grimm vs the Nautilus

Chapter 8: In Which a Plan is Hatched

On arrival in England, the submarine was put in dry dock while repair crews fixed the turbine, replaced the lost rivets on the seams, and scraped off suckers the size of dinner plates that had been steamed onto the submarine's hull. Chef Fournier ran around with a wheelbarrow collecting the suckers; he had exciting plans for a hundred pounds of flash-steamed and salted calamari. Captain Chilton was summoned to the admiral's office.

"What happened out there?" the admiral demanded. She had some familiarity with the damage a mad scientist could do and had fully expected the submarine to be filled with toxic gas or aetheric energy that killed the entire crew, to be pulled into another dimension by an elder god, or to sink after its hull was punctured by the scorpion tail of a ravening monster. Steamed octopus was new.

"We encountered an octopus off the coast of Spain, ma'am," Captain Chilton said.

"Would you care to describe this octopus?"

"No, ma'am."

"Very wise, captain. Because if you were to use words such as 'giant', 'monstrous' or 'ferocious', we both know who I would have to forward this report to."

"It was a nondescript octopus, ma'am."

"Good. Let's keep it that way. Those damned spooks are poking into enough of my business already."

~~~

Unfortunately for the British Navy, Hyacinth had no such restraint. She eagerly wrote to Professor Thrikopolis to crow about her momentous discovery: the Grimm Water Turtle. She was certain she had observed one, and would certainly have collected a specimen if it weren't for that inconvenient attack by a giant, monstrous, ferocious octopus. She posted the letter to the Royal University and went out for tea.

At the teashop she was approached by two black-cloaked figures in tophats. Hyacinth ignored them. They each produced a dagger. Hyacinth stopped ignoring them and noticed their cloaks were closed with a British Secret Service seal.

"Tell your Abomination of Science to wait here and come with us, or we'll gut you," the shorter one said.

"Please," the other said.

"Do you have the standing to address me? I'm quite certain we haven't been introduced."

"It's fine," the taller one said. "There's an etiquette exception for kidnappings."

"Oh, well if it's a kidnapping. Bom-bom, please wait for me here."

The Abomination grumbled in Hindi, but stayed at the teashop pretending to drink Earl Grey. Hyacinth was blindfolded and bundled into a stagecoach going west, then another going east, and finally one that went round and round in circles until the shorter kidnapper threw up. The two hustled Hyacinth inside a building and up several flights of stairs, then took off her blindfold with a flourish.

"No one can hear you scream here, Grimm. You are in a top-secret location," said the short one.

Just outside the door, a woman said, "These cells in the Tower of London have been used for centuries to imprison those of noble blood. There are even rumors that some are in use today by Her Majesty's Secret Service."

The spook glared at the door as if it had wronged them and started again. "No one will ever find you."

The tour guide said, "If you come back at eight, you can explore all these cells."

While their colleague shook their fist at the door, the taller spook said, "Lady Hyacinth, thank you so much for taking a moment from your day to speak with us."

Hyacinth said, "Of course. Always happy to help Her Majesty's Secret Service."

"Good, good. We had a few teensy weensie questions about your letter here."