Let me help you (Dean X Reader)

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I've been living with the boys since they saved me from the vampire nest that I was captured in for about a year. I'm grateful to them for everything they did for me those last four years that we've been living together. Especially in the beginning, I had really bad PTSD from what those vampires did to me back then. I was scared even when they would just touch me. But they were able to bring me back from that dark place I was. And since then I'm trying to take care of them. I'm doing everything I can so I can keep them both as rested as I can when they are home.

Sam is telling me that I don't have to do anything but I am not going to listen to him on this. I know that he doesn't want me to get tired but I am enjoying taking care of them because I feel a bit less useless this way. Sam knows this and everytime I say it he responses with a 'Ok, whatever you think'. I like talking with Sam because I feel finally like someone understands me. I could say that he is my best friend. Dean, on the other hand, is a different case. I like Dean a lot but it's better to stay friends than him being made at me about it.

But during the last month Dean has gotten a lot distant. Charlie's death, the darkness, his mom leaving, this last year he is constantly beating himself up. It's hard to know it and not be able to do anything for it. I need to help him but I have no idea how to do it. Yesterday I made triple cheeseburgers and backed his favourite pie and he refused to even try them. I'm out of ideas.

But I have to try. I go in the kitchen and reheat a cheeseburger and I put it on a tray. I put a piece of pie on a plate and then on the tray. I grab two beers from the fridge and I head to Dean's room. I knock on his door with my foot "Leave" he says. I ignore him and I knock again. He opens the door this time. God, he looked so exhausted and you could smell the sent alcohol from his breath from feet away. But I ignore it and put a smile on "Hi, I figured that you'll be hungry so I brought you something" I say lifting the try a bit "I'm not hungry" he says and tries to close the door but I keep it open with my foot. "I don't take no for an answer" I say and I push the door open. I get in his room and I place the tray on the nightstand.

I look around and I see all this empty beer and whiskey bottles which explained his smell. "You can go now. I will eat later" he says "Oh no, it's not that easy. I'm staying. How about you take a shower while I clean up here?" "Sure" he answers annoyed. He takes a new set of clothes and heads in the bathroom. I take a trush bag out of the kitchen's vounter and I go back to his room. I pick up the empty bottles and I clean up the liquor that was on the floor. I place the bag out of the room and I go back and change the sheets.

But the time I was done Dean came back. "Sorry for the mess" he says "It's fine. Come here" I say patting the bed. He comes and sits next to me "They would probably be better if you ate them last night but I tried to reheat them" I say handing him the burger. He nods and takes a bite "Wow, it's awesome" he says with his mouth still stuffed with food "You should eat too" he says "No, I'm fine" I say and chuckle because he took one more huge bite. "It's delicious" he says looking at it "Well, thank you" I say and I take a sip of my beer.

After he ate his whole triple cheeseburger and the pie, he continue to sip on his beer. "Thank you. I seem to be needed it" he says "Of course. I hope I made you forget about all the problems for a bit" "You did, thank you" he says and kisses my cheek. I was shocked. I was frozen. I didn't know what to do. My heart was beating so fast that I thought it was going to jump out of my chest. Just the feeling of his lips on my skin sent chills allover my body.

"Yeah, to be honest I was working on the nerve to come a few days now" I say trying not to sound freaked. He smiles at me and takes one more sip. HE ISN'T HELPING...

"Anyways, are you ready to talk now?" I ask and he rolls his eyes "I knew that it was coming" "Come on Dean, you have to talk to someone" "No, I don't" "Yes, you do Dean. Like you said the only way out of it is through it. I know that you probably haven't noticed but since what happened to Charlie you started to change and now you became really distant. You don't talk to me, you don't talk to Sam... You have changed Dean. And sometimes it scares me. There are times that you even talk like them. I'm sorry to say it but I have to tell you because sometimes you... you may look like Dean but you're not the one I used to know, you talk like Dean but I hear someone else and it's making me really nervous. And you tell everyone it's not a big deal, you tell everyone you'll get through it but you know you won't. So please let me help you".

"I'm a poison (Y/N). People get close to me and they get kidnapped, tortured and they end up killed, like Charlie. She tried to help me and now she's dead because of me" he says and I can clearly see the tears that are fighting to escape from his eyes. "Dean, Charlie's death isn't on you..." I say and I place my hand on his "She wanted to help you because she loved you. Like all of us do right now and that's why we want to help you. Dean, it's hurting me to see you like this. I know that you think you are responsible for everyone but you are not. Your mom leaving wasn't also your fault. It's a good thing that she is taking time for herself because she just got back from 33 years of being literally dead. You haven't pushed her on doing anything. You are a good guy Dean" "No..." he says shaking his head "I'm not. I'm actually 90% crap" "Hey, don't ever say that again, you hear me? You're the most smart, funny- well sometimes-,  brave, selfless and caring, person I know" I say turning his head my way "You are a hero Dean. You have saved so many people including me. I wouldn't be here talking to you right now if you haven't saved me from that hole. And not only that but you took me in and had the patience to deal with my PTSD and make sure I was myself again. Remember?" I ask and he nods.

"I do. I really do. When I found you in that room you wanted nothing than get out of that place but when I walked closer you started to freak out..." he says and wraps his fingers around my hand that was still on his. "I remember carrying you out of there and realizing that you have nowhere to go. So I brought you here and talked Sam into helping you. You were like a scared puppy. You were scared of everything" he says rubbing the back of my hand with his thumb "I was so happy when you started to be more comfortable when I was around. And that's when you started eating a bit. But I also remember every time I had to change your sheets in the middle of the night because you would pee yourself due to a nightmare or--" "Ok, we are not talking about me right now. This is about you" I say and I wipe a tear that escaped my eye.

"But see? You saved me. And not only me but a million more. Your problem is that nobody hates you more than you do, Dean. And you are beating yourself up with everything that happens. But let me tell you that you are a good man Dean Winchester. And believe me when I say that I'm really proud to be sitting next to you right now" "Please don't lie just to make me feel good" "You know that I would never lie to you" I say and he nods. "I'm your biggest fan. I mean you killed Hitler, right?" I ask and he chuckles.

I look at him and he smiles "Thank you. I really needed this" he says "Anytime" I say and I smile too. Silent took over and I just enjoyed looking at him. We were still holding hands and I looked down at them. He does too and we interlock fingers. He rubs the back of my hand with his thumb again and we look back at eachother. With a quick move he placed his hand on my cheek and crashed his lips on mines. It took me a few seconds to realize what is happening. But eventually I kiss him back.

We pull away but we keep our foreheads together. "I love you" we both say at the same time. I laugh and he does too. "Are you sure because I don't want to take advantage of you?" "I am sure (Y/N). I've been sure since I first saw you smile. Your smile made me realize that I'm screwed" he says and I chuckle. We kiss again. His tongue took control exploring my mouth. He slowly gets on top of me. "Wait..." I say and I push him a bit away "Sorry, I shouldn't--" "No, it's fine. You didn't do anything wrong. I'm the problem. Me and my stupid PTSD" "Hey, it's fine. I get it and I can wait" "Dean Winchester, the womaniser, can wait?" I say and he chuckles "I told you that I'm screwed" he says and I chuckle "Not that I haven't seen it before. If you remember, I was the one who showered you at first" he says and I nod. "I love you so much" I say "I love you too" he says and kisses me.

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