Dean X Reader Imagines

Break for the broken (Dean X Reader)

Since Dean came back from being possessed by Michael last week, I had this deep pain in my chest, like I'm going to burst into tears any second. But I was still holding on. Dean needs me strong right now. He is already beating himself up for whatever Michael did, he doesn't need to deal with my feelings too. I can wait. In the years that we are together, I've never wanted to make him feel like he needs to take care of me. In fact, I don't think I've ever seemed even a bit sad when I was around him, mostly because he makes me so freaking happy but also because I don't want to be another bargain to him.

But this morning, I happened to wake up alone in bed. I roll on my back and I stretch. I take a deep breath and I open my eyes. Looking at the ceiling, I started to think and I that's when I noticed 'When was the last time I cared about me?' Lately, I've been too busy working on random cases so I wouldn't think about Dean's absence but also looking for Michael and Dean. And what did I achieve? Nothing. I couldn't find Michael. I almost got killed on my case two weeks ago. I couldn't even kill a single vampire. If it wasn't for Sam, I would be dead now. And even when Sam found Dean, I couldn't be there because I decided to go on another case because I didn't think that Sam's case was important. And also I wasn't in the bunker when they came back. I returned a day later. That night for Dean had to be hard and I wasn't there for him. So that leads me to think that all I do lately is mess up pretty much everything.

This pain in my chest started to get worse and I felt like I couldn't breathe, I couldn't keep myself together. I get up and I start to walk slowly to the bathroom. But in the hallway I came across Dean. "Good morning, I was thinking about going out ton--" he starts to say but I stop him. "Dean, please, I need a minute" I say and I keep walking to the bathroom. I place my hand on my chest and I take a deep breath. "Are you ok baby?" he asks but I just ignore him. He follows me and takes my hand. "Please, I need a moment" I say trying my best not to show any emotion to him. I've never cried in front of him and I won't do it now. But at that moment every wall I had, started to break so I didn't have much time.

"What happened?" he asks in a calm and soft voice. I just look away from him and I take one more breath. "Nothing happened. Everything is good" I say "Baby, please, talk to me" he begs rubbing my cheek softly. At this point tears were already threatening to fall from my eyes so I kept my gaze away from him. If I look at him, I will breakdown right in front of him. "I'm-- I'm fine" I say looking down. "I'm fine Dean" I repeat and I run away from him. I lock myself inside the bathroom immediately and I slide down to the floor.

That moment every wall I had has gone down. All the ugly emotions came on the surface and I was crying. For the first time in my life I felt so emotional and also embarrassed about the fact that I was a mess this whole time and didn't even notice it. I didn't have time to take care of my self and look where we are now. I'm a useless piece of shit. I can't even do my job right. I think that I help people but in reality, I do more harm than good.

I tried to keep my sobs as silent as possible but I wasn't doing a good job to this either. "(Y/N), please, let me in" Dean says from the other side of the door. But I didn't want him to see me like this. "Please, baby, let me help you" he says but I ignore him. "I'm begging you, (Y/N), let me in. I can't just stand here and hear you cry baby, please" he says which made me feel even worse. He is so good to me for what? I don't deserve this, I don't deserve him, I don't deserve anything good. I don't matter.

"(Y/N)... Ok. You need some time, I get it and I promise to leave you to it no matter how hard it is for me but I need one thing from you. I'm begging you, (Y/N), don't do anything stupid, ok? I can't live without you. I don't want to have to live without you" he says but I don't answer. "(Y/N)?" he asks "Ok" I whisper between my tears. "Good" he says and after a few seconds I hear him walk away.
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When I started to feel a bit better, I jumped in the shower and took a long hot shower. But I hadn't any clothes with me. There was only Dean's towel that he probably forgot in there, like he does almost all the time. I wrap my body with the towel and I unlock the door. I open it and I freeze as I see Dean sitting on the floor right across from me. He was holding a half empty bottle of scotch and didn't look good. As soon as I opened the door his eyes stuck on my and got up on his feet. I look away from him and I start to walk to my room.

"(Y/N)--" Dean says but I ignore him and keep walking. He stops me before I could get in the room. "(Y/N), let me help you" he says. I look at him and I cup his cheek "I'm ok. I'm going to be ok" I say and I smile a bit to make him feel better. I kiss his lower lip softly and I get in the room locking the room behind me.

I sit on the bed and I cry again. He is so good and I just keep dragging him down with me. He looked so hurt sitting on the floor back there and I'm responsible for this. I've destroyed myself and now I'm destroying everyone else around me. Great job.

A couple of hours later I unlocked the door because this is Dean's room too and he'll need to sleep sooner or later. I lay on the bed and I cover myself with the blanket. Dean opened the door and walked to the bed slowly. I didn't move trying to make him think that I'm asleep. I feel him sit on the bed and he places his hand on my shoulder. But I move away from it and he immediately gets it back.

He gets up from the bed and walks to the other side. But I turn to the other side so he doesn't see me. "Ok, come on. I'm done with playing" he says and turns me to him. "I'm fine" I say trying to get away from him "No, you're not. Please, talk to me" he begs me. I sit up straight and he sits next to me.

"Tell me what's wrong" he says "Don't you see it? I'm a mess. I'm useless. I don't deserve anything Dean. I don't matter. I'm... I'm a lost cause and just one more grappy bargain to everyone. And honestly... I'm tired. I'm exhausted Dean" I say looking down at my hands as a tear rolls down my cheek. "(Y/N)... you are not saying that..." he doesn't even dare to say it "You wanna die?" he finally asks.

I wipe my tear quickly and I look at him "At least, this way, I can finally do some good. Especially to you. You deserve someone stronger, that can help you carry all this kind of crap you carry on your shoulders and feel responsible for. Because I'm not them. You deserve far better" I say. "Hey, you can't seriously believe that (Y/N)" he says but I don't answer "Baby... Look, I know how it feels right now. I've been there too. I screwed up too like multiple times. I have failed people that trusted me more than once. So I know that it is bad and I know that right now it is feeling like a spiral that will never end but that doesn't mean that you should stop fighting. Because it may take some time but it will end. I promise you that. You just have to stand a bit more" he says looking at me in the eyes.

"I can't. I can not fight anymore. I'm tired of fighting. I can't--" I say and I look back at my hands. I've disappointed him. I'm not strong enough. "Of course you can" he says and cups my cheek. He lifts my head so I am looking at him. "Because you are strong. You might not see this right now but I can. And you just need to keep grinding. Don't worry. You got this, I'm sure of that. It will be fine and I'll be with you all the way. You just have to trust me on this one, ok?" he asks. I nod slightly and he hugs me. "There is nothing better than you (Y/N)" he says rubbing my back.

"Let's take a break. Some days off. As many as you need" he says "What?" I ask confused. He pulls away and cups my face. He rubs my cheek with his thumb and I lean in his touch. "We'll go to Donna's cabin. Just the two of us alone in the middle of nowhere. No news, no new cases, no monsters, just you and me. We can stay as much as we want" he says.

"What about your mom? Where is she gonna stay?" I ask "Don't worry. I'm gonna ask her to stay here with Sammy. She won't mind" he says and I nod. "So tomorrow we are leaving, first thing in the morning" he says "Ok" I say and he smiles. "Thank you" I say "You don't need to thank me babygirl. Don't ever again think that you are less important than me. You are my world and I would do anything for you. I love you very very much" he says "I love you too" I say and I hug him.

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A/N: I legitimately cried writing this chapter. Hope you liked it 😁