Restless

Chapter 5

Kyle sighed and looked down at the ground, wondering if he had the energy to get into this. As much as he didn't want to go there, he knew Sahara deserved some kind of explanation.

He closed to door and turned around to face Sahara, who was standing a few feet away from him with an anxious look on her face. It looked like she really wanted, or needed, for him to answer her question.

"Come on; let's sit down," he said, heading towards the couch. He sat on one end as Sahara sat on the other, facing him. She waited patiently while he tried to gather his thoughts and find the right words.

"Sahara...I never planned on things turning out the way they did. I really did love you and I have to say a part of me still does. You're a good woman. But it's like I told you before; I just got bored. We never did anything exciting or varied from the same routine that we seemed to have fallen into. I just felt like something was missing. As much as I tried to get you to vary, you just seemed comfortable and I couldn't see myself going through the rest of my life like that. Maybe that's just the way you are, but it didn't go well with the way I was anymore."

Sahara looked like she was hurt but trying not to show it. "Well...you couldn't find a better way to handle it than to do what you did? I mean...she's my cousin, Kyle."

"I know," he said, actually feeling kind of guilty for the first time. "As I said, I never planned it this way. Wanda had a lot of the things I liked in a woman even back in high school, but you were the one I fell in love with. Then she and I lost touch, and you and I were doing so well. I honestly never really thought about her. Then when I saw her again at that reunion, it brought something back to me...I can't really explain it. All I knew was that I didn't want to lose touch with her again. So we exchanged numbers. Then we started hanging out, having lunch together or meeting for a drink after work. Then one night she invited me over for dinner and it just..." His voice trailed off, not really wanting to say it. He figured Sahara could figure out the rest.

A tear ran down Sahara's face as she looked down at her hands. She didn't want him to see her crying. She had told herself that she wasn't going to cry over Kyle anymore. But hearing him go into detail about what went down with Wanda, which apparently had been happening right underneath her nose, she just couldn't help it. Hearing that she wasn't good enough for him hurt her. Even though it wasn't really news to her anymore and it had been months since she had initially found the letter that changed everything, it still hurt.

Kyle had always hated making Sahara cry. He hesitantly reached for her hand and inched a little closer to her on the couch. "Sahara...whether or not you believe it, it doesn't make me feel good to see you like this."

"Really?" She sniffed, looking at him.

"Of course." He paused, wondering if he should tell her what he was thinking. Figuring he might as well be honest and get everything out in the open, he forged ahead. "Sahara, I think it's only fair to let you know that Wanda and I are planning to have our own family one day. Now, I know I haven't been the best father to Rison lately, but I want her to be a part of everything." He conveniently left out the part about planning to take custody of Rison once he and Wanda were married.

Sahara looked surprised. It really never occurred to her that Kyle and Wanda might want children of their own one day. That would mean they were really moving forward and even if for whatever reason their marriage didn't work out, they would still have that child together. If nothing else, at least Sahara could say she had Kyle's child. Wanda couldn't say that, at least not now. But if they had children in the future, then Sahara wouldn't have any leg up at all.