KAIRA: This process of Healing

The Loss

It broke her heart into pieces seeing his fake smile. Naira watched him climb into bed and curl up even though it was just two in the afternoon, he hadn't eaten anything in the afternoon, nor morning but did his work robotically as if he had no life. They had lost their baby. The pain of not seeing her child was buried deep inside her, she could understand his pain, his sadness. She then closed the door and all the windows and climbed onto the bed next to him.

Kartik felt numb, he was dumbstruck and was unable to express his grief. He knew that Naira might forgive him for she knew he would never hurt her and she trusted him. He felt this emptiness, a hollow feeling that slowly ate him away. He woke up from bed to find Naira fast asleep next to him. Her face had a pained expression, her hair a mess, tears stained her cheek. His heart stopped seeing her like this and he immediately pulled her into a hug. He pulled her closer and kissed her forehead. His head hurt from all the thoughts. He shivered and tears rolled down his cheeks. He sat there in silence holding his wife trying to bridge this loneliness.

Naira went to sleep crying, she grieved for her child, for her husband who had become so lifeless. She tried to picture how her child might have looked like and fell asleep next to her Kartik. She woke up suddenly as she felt something wet fall on her face. She sat up to her mendhak crying silently and staring blankly at the wall.

"Kartik, kya hua tumhe?" Naira asked scared seeing him in this state. Kartik couldnt reply. words failed him. Naira cupped his face with her hands, wiping his tears with her thumbs and forced him to look at her " Kartik, jawaab do" "Kartik please". He got up from the bed and walked away from her. " Sab meri hi galti hein Naira maine hi kaha tha na ki mujhe baccha nahi chahiye, isi baat ka badla le rahe bhagwaan mujhse" " humse" he said shivering.

 Naira watched him breakdown but was too shocked to move.              

  " Hamari bachhi thi woh, bahut sapne dekhe the humne hamare bacche ke liye Naira, Mein papa banne wala tha lekin nahi yeh khushi bhi unhone mujhse cheen li" 

Naira rushed to Kartik.  

"Kartik suno meri baat isme kisiki koi galti nahi hein , haan tumne kaha tha ki tumhe baccha nahi chahiye lekin tum us ke baad tum maan bhi gaye the na" Naira said trying to calm him down.

He seemed to relax , " Tumhe mere saath nahi rehna chahiye Naira mein tumhe khush nahi rakh sakta" 

"Kartik mein tumse pyaar karti hoon,  tum mere liye sab kuch ho " "Khudko dosh dena band karo Kartik" she said making him sit on bed and pouring him a cup of water from the bedside.

When he finally relaxed, she sat next to him, her head on his shoulder and asked him quietly, "Kartik, hamari beti kaise dikhti hi?" Kartik smiled for the first time and replied " Uski aankhein tumhari tarah thi , aur uske haath itne chote-chote the " he said showing with his hands. Naira smiled sadly and they both fell asleep in each other's arms.