KAIRA: This process of Healing

First Steps

They walked down the stairs, hand in hand, at a slow pace as though they didn't want to reach their destination. Kartik and Naira looked at each other, knowing that these were their steps towards healing and moving on. Throughout the havan, Kartik kept holding Naira's hand, while Naira didn't argue either. They returned to their room exhausted.

2 am in the night.

Kartik walked into the balcony with two cups of coffee and handed one to his  wife. She looked at the stars silently and sipped her coffee. Kartik put his arm around her and pulled her close to him. She leaned on his shoulder silently and he gently caressed her hair. He saw her clutching onto a piece of yarn and he realised that it was the socks she had been knitting for their baby. He looked at her and felt his eyes sting with tears, she was hiding her pain, "I'm sorry Naira, main tumhe support nahi kar paya." "Nahi Kartik tumhari koi galti nahi thi,it's okay." She then moved away from him and sat down on the swing that they had set up when she was pregnant. They had so many beautiful memories with this swing, when she looked up to meet his eyes, she knew he was thinking the same thing.

She took a deep breath as though she were collecting the courage and emotional support to let out her feelings and words, "Tumhe pata hai Kartik, jab bhi mujhe sad feel hota tha ya kabhi mujhe kaira ki yaad aati thi toh mein yahan aake taaro se baatein karti thi" she said teary eyed. Kartik just looked at her, he knew she had bottled up her feelings for supporting him and now it was time she let it all out, they can't heal with the pain inside. 

"Its okay Naira, its okay to cry, its okay to breakdown", he said soothing like a small baby he placed his hand on hers while kneeling beside her. 

" Tumhe pata hai, mujhe kuch samajh mein nahi aaya tha jab tumne kahan ki kaira... , maine bahut mushkil se iss sach, iss fact ko accept kiya. Pehle mujhe bahut bahut dard hota tha.." she said now finally crying. Kartik pulled her close to him, hugging her close. " Har cheez muje uski yaad dilati thi, pehle jab mujhe  pata chala ki krish mera nahi kirti di ka beta hai main toot chuki thi, aisa laga ki mai ab kabhi teek nahi ho paungi..., maine bahut mushkil se apne aap ko sambala hai Kartik. 

"Pehle mujhe bilkul samajh mein nahi aaya tha ki mai kiss baat se naraz hoon, dukhi hoon.. iss baat se ki mai apni beti ko kabhi dekh nahi paayi , usse apni godh mein rakh ke sula nahi paayi ya iss baat se ki mai usse kabhi goodbye nahi keh paayi.."

"Jab bhi mujhe Kaira ki yaad aati thi, mai aasmaan ke sabse sundar tare ko dekthi aur usse baatein karti, jaisi ki woh hamari kaira ho " Kartik hugged her even more tightly and then she let out tiny muffled scream for all the pain she had been holding back for him and the family. She buried her face more deeply into his shirt, weeping silently.

Today he can't let her down, he can't let his voice betray his feelings, he had to hold her, he had to help her just like the way she did. He caressed her hair and spoke calmly in a soft reassuring voice, " Aaj havan ke baad mujhe yeh realise hua ki yeh dard kabhi kam nahi hoga, yeh ghaav kabhi nahi bharega,  Naira par humme iss dard ke saath jeena hoga. Mai jaanta hoon ki yeh bahut mushkil hai lekin hum koshish toh kar sakte haina?" He knew he was talking to her like she was a small baby but he can't let her break down. "Kya tum mujhe support karogi, humme aage badna hoga naira, hum ek dusre ka saath denge. Agar hum mein se ek kamzor padega toh dusra uska sahara banega. Karogi na meri madad?" asked Kartik with tears in his eyes. 

Naira didn't react to his words for some time and he let her be. Slowly she pulled herself together and nodded. She got up with his help and walked towards the balcony railing, feeling the cold air and hearing the wind chime ting softly. The whole world seemed calm, the entire city was asleep, the cats, the birds, their family and Kaira. The only difference is that she wouldn't wake up. But they were awake, as long they were alive, she would be alive in their memories.

Together they looked at the brightest star in the sky, while they supported each other and whispered, "Goodbye, Kaira."