Tonight, when everyone else is likely asleep, I sit up amidst my black sheets. I think over the events of the day, and about what lies in store for me tomorrow.
Turning, I look over to the names newly carved into the wall, a beam of light cast over them by a singular blue lamp. I stare at the light as I fall asleep, my eyes shutting slowly somewhere along the way.
Morning comes too fast, a blur of dreams full of Abnegation that I forget almost as soon as my eyes open. I get changed quickly in the bathroom, my Dauntless boots already feeling more familiar than they did yesterday. As I tie my hair in a ponytail, I splash cool water over my face from the sink, flinching as the cold shock startles me awake. Holding a tight, firm grip on the edge of the bathroom bench and mentally preparing myself for a day of strenuous fighting ahead, I feel simultaneously more terrified, and more Dauntless, than I ever have before.
•••
The training room is silent when the seven of us enter after breakfast, even Minho's loud voice smothered by the deathly quiet in the air. Jorge and Mark glare at us when we all clamber in through the doors, telling us it's already 8:02. I can't help but to hide a smile at their dramatics - it's two minutes, for God's sake, and some of our watches are behind.
I glance around the room, my eyes gravitating towards the blackboard hanging on the wall, the following names listed:
Frypan - Teresa
(y/n) - Thomas
Brenda - Newt
Minho
I breathe out a slow, long sigh, my insides twisting with apprehension and fear. I'm fighting today, of course; my true introduction to Dauntless initiation, I suppose. But Thomas - I'm against Thomas. I bite my lower lip and look at the boy, his brown eyes wide and mouth slightly ajar - I like him, I really do, but the prospect of facing him in a fight is certainly not promising. He's strong, much stronger than I could ever hope to be. He could be a runner if he wanted, and a good one, too.
Maybe it won't be so bad, a voice in the back of my head tells me. Thomas is nice, and he won't want to hurt me. I can concede, and it'll be fine. Humiliating, yes, but Thomas is too kind to cause me any real damage.
Although I know of the statement's truth, I still feel scared. It'll place me lower and lower on the rankings, until I'm on the bottom, and then I'll have no hope of staying here at Dauntless.
Briefly, I feel a sharp sense of anger and regret. It's not fair that they only keep ten of twenty initiates on. It's not fair that I'll soon be put up against Dauntless-borns that have been training for this their entire lives. And it's not fair that they turn us against each other, making us fight our friends. Hurting people isn't bravery. In Abnegation, initiation is about volunteering, and being selfless and helpful. It's safe. You just need to be selfless and kind and charitable - not beat up your own friends until they concede, bruising on the floor beneath you.
But, I suppose, it's good that we even can concede - I think that, in itself, is a mark of selflessness amidst the harshness of Dauntless initiation. Stopping a fight because your partner cannot continue - I don't think that's cowardly.
I value bravery, I do, amongst all else. That's why I'm here, it's why the test placed me here. But I think there's a fairer way of doing things in Dauntless. Letting us concede is a first step, but I don't think there should be people cut off just because they aren't strong enough. After all, physical strength does not equate to bravery. It's not power that should be valued here, but true, selfless bravery, just as the faction manifesto suggests.
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The Transfers of Dauntless | Newt x Reader
Fanfiction(y/n) (y/l/n). A girl from the selfless faction of Abnegation. She lives under the control of Abnegation with her father and younger brother Chuck. She has always imagined her future as one in her original faction, but finds she begins to doubt her...
