She woke up and had no text from him. Nothing explaining why he bailed or what happened to their plans. She texted him hi. He responded apologizing saying he fell asleep and his phone died..... and whatever, it doesn't really netter honestly because the point is he bailed again.
So she was honest. She told him straight up. That she was confused about why he wouldn't see her. She asked him if he wanted to see her as much as she did. She wanted a best friend. She wanted to connect. Every day. She didn't want to control a mans life. She just wanted to connect with a human. He said he didn't feel like seeing each other every day was healthy. But he didn't get the point. She wasn't trying to waste time with him like some couples do. She wanted to be productive, but together. Keep each other company on this life that is so easily lonesome.
He was kind of beating around the bush, saying he was open to exploring seeing each other more often. But she could tell he wasn't all in for it. And she was over waiting for people to come around. She was over waiting for people to see the value in her and what she wanted to create with others. So she didn't wait another day. She told him straight up, it wouldn't work. She said it was simple. They weren't compatible in how often they wanted to spend time together. She knew what she want and she wasn't ashamed. She wasn't scared of losing him either because she wasn't losing anything. She wasn't gaining what she wanted.
So they decided to be friends. And she said she wouldn't text him as much as they have been which honestly he started. She didn't want to be reminded of him. She genuinely liked him. He made her feel normal. He was crazy too. He had a similar disorder to hers. It was nice to feel normal with someone else. But she was looking for something specific and for the first time she wasn't afraid to move on and keep looking.
It was about 7pm. She started to edit some of her photos from a modeling shoot she did recently. She was a nice and a photographer. The photos looks beautiful. They made her feel a little bit better. She still had it. She also worked on a big film project she was finishing up. She fixed some technical difficulties she was having. She edited some photos from a shoot where she photographed a model. The photos looked beautiful. She posted some of the images from both shoots on her Instagram.
She went on a dating app and messaged anyone she matched with, "Hi. DTF?". She thought it was hilarious and bold. She just wanted the dick. She wanted a doctors appointment, which is what she called it. Or she called it a dick appointment. She wanted to fuck. She wanted to be fucked. She didn't like drugs or drinking a lot, because she doesn't want to abuse substances. Or to self medicate. But she didn't mind using sex to get high. She got so high off of sex. She felt so present. She forgets about everything else when she's having sex. She can have sex with someone she just meets. She can have sex with someone she's known for years. As long as there's a connection somehow, it will feel natural for to have sec with someone.
Her roommate got home from work and they started talking about her now ex boyfriend. They talked about life. They did that a lot. It was really nice living with someone she could talk to about anything in a deep context. Then they started swiping together on dating apps. Then they went to their rooms.
She felt alright. She felt ok. She felt relieved she was honest with her now ex boyfriend. His name is Adrian. We'll call him Adrian now that he's not her boyfriend. She looked at her phone and realized she hadn't texted back this guy who she met last week. They met on an app for making business connections. They connected because they wanted to make creative work together. She texted him back apologizing for not getting back to him. She said she had been dealing with a lot of emotions the past few days. He asked her if she wanted to talk about it. And she said she kinda did. So he asked her if she wanted to talk about it in person or through text. Haha. She undoubtedly had a thought in her head. For a second she fantasized about where this would lead to. Sex. But honestly she didn't really care about it in this instance. She really just saw it as an opportunity to hang out with someone and connect and get out of her room.
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Me, Myself, and Fucking Feelings (Chapter 1)
ChickLitSo this is literally just my life, which is pretty interesting. I do a lot of things that most people don't or won't that are out of the norm probably because I want my life to be actually interesting (or maybe it's cause i'm bipolar...hah). I list...
