Going Nowhere

April 28, 2016

I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t do it.

 

I took another swig of the putrid alcohol, letting it burn down my throat. I couldn’t do this.

 

I knew the makeup was dried and cracking on my cheeks, but it was only replaced with wet, fresh ones. I finished off the bottle, opening another and letting the new taste wash down the last of the other. I think this was my third bottle of vodka. And I still knew I couldn’t do this.

 

The phone slips out of my hand a few times before I get a good grip on it. Even smashed, the number still is clear to me. I type it in, hoping to god that he answers. The rings slow until I’m afraid they are going to stop.

 

“Hello?” His groggy voice sounds distant.

 

“Hey, I, um, I need you.” I breathe.

 

“Where are you? Are you alright?” He questions. He sounds a bit more alert.

 

I hesitate a minute. “I’m in London, look... “ I shake my head and start to tear up. “No, I’m not alright. I just, I need you, alright?”

 

“Are you drunk?”

 

“I think so. I don’t know. I just know I need you right now.  I’m at the RE in London, will you just come? Please.” I gasp, trying to hold back the violent tears.

 

“I’ll be on my way in a minute, Anna. Don’t worry, I’ll be there soon, alright?”

 

“Alright, thank you, thank you, Luke.”

 

***

 

“Hey, hey, it’s okay, I’m here.” Luke mumbles into my hair as I hug him.

 

“Thanks,” I cough, tightening my grip around his long torso.

 

“Of course, is everything alright?”

 

I shake my head against him. “No, it’s really not.”

 

He pauses for a minute. “Do you want to talk about it?”

 

“Not really,” I sigh. “I just want you to stay with me, okay?”

 

“Okay,” Luke whispers, releasing a bit. “You should get some sleep, you sound tired.”

 

I nod, taking a step back from him and rubbing a hand over my forehead. “Yeah, yeah I will.”

 

I pull Luke along behind me, leading him over to the bed. I remember the first time we were in bed together. He had been gentle, trying not to push anything too far. We had just kissed and ended up holding each other all night. That’s what I needed right now. But I really needed it with Michael.