Going Nowhere

December 31, 2016

Michael’s arms had wrapped around mine as we stood outside of the hospital room. His forehead pressed against my hair, his breath easing mine. The steady in and out had calmed me, making me believe that for the moment everything was alright.

 

Emma and Callie had been in the room. Ashton had been in there. Luke and Calum had been in the waiting room downstairs. As soon as I saw her… It wasn’t something I could handle. Michael had followed me out as soon as my breathing had hitched.

 

Three weeks early. That little baby girl had been delivered three weeks early and was clinging to life with the tiniest grasp. Sophie was out of it on all the medication that they had given her. She could barely open her eyes. Ashton had been standing over the tiny incubator, watching his little girl breathe, in and out and in and out. He wanted to watch to make sure it wasn’t going to stop.

 

Now he held her at all times, barely putting her down. The only time I didn’t see Ashton carrying around that little girl was when she was in her mother’s arms. She was born on December 22 and she had just come home for the first time two days ago.

 

Ashton slept by her side. He held her into his chest and pressed kisses on top of her head as she breathed. He promised to let Sophie get a good few nights rest after going through labor. She would sleep next to the two of them in bed, the baby crammed between her and Ash.

 

Jessica Amelia Irwin was her legal name. Sophie hadn’t argued over the last name, knowing that eventually her and Ashton would be getting married. She didn’t have a doubt in her mind that her family wouldn’t be together until the end.

 

I looked over at the gleam in her eyes as watched Ashton dance around the room with the baby in his arms. She already had the motherly adoration placed across her cheeks as she stared at them. Her hands were folded across her lap as if she hadn’t known what to do with them.

 

Ashton hummed as he rocked little Jess in his arms, swaying her back and forth to the beat of a lullabye I was sure he was going to write. She had been passed to and from Emma and Callie, the rest of us eagerly awaiting our turn to coo at the baby. She could barely open her eyes, but when she did you saw the dark gleam of her mother's blue beauties.

 

“Luke,” Emma hummed, glancing up at him with the same love she put into the baby, “Do you want to hold her?”

 

Luke was at Emma’s side, shifting his weight back and forth. “I, uhm, I don’t know.”

 

“Here,”Ashton stepped forward, reluctantly releasing his little girl into Luke’s arms. I don’t know how he was going to do it when she got older, she was already wrapped around his finger.

 

Luke adjusted the child in his arms, holding her as one would a football. Ashton shook his head, positioning Luke’s hands to hold Jessica’s head up. “There,”

 

Luke gasped quietly, smiling widely as she yawned at him. “I’m afraid I’m gonna drop her.” Luke chuckled. Ashton shifted his weight uneasily as the rest of us laughed. “Hi Jess, I’m your Uncle Luke.” He glanced up at Emma momentarily and I swear I could see tears forming in his eyes. “She’s so tiny.”