❁ BOTANY; r.lupin

08.

"Purgatory"

BRANDISHING HER STRIPED PYJAMAS, JANICE lazily trotted down to the great hall. She couldn't be bothered today. It was a Sunday and she'd slept in late which gave her much less time to eat breakfast - her favourite meal.

A shot of relief came over her body as she noticed that all of the food was still on display. With a smile on her face and a spring in her step, she walked towards her dear friends. Her smile dropped when she saw their faces.

Every single one of them looked up at her with sad eyes. Marlene looked as though she'd been crying, although she'd never let Janice know that. She sat down beside James and looked around awkwardly. Her arms were glued to her sides and she laughed nervously. 

"What's going on?"

"Oh, Jan.", came Sirius' voice, softer and quieter than she'd ever heard before.

Her heart was in her stomach, palms sweating profusely and a glimpse of something in her eyes. 

From the other side of her, Emmeline passed over a copy of the newspaper and a letter. Janice glanced around, "I don't get it"

But, somewhere within her, she did get it.

Fight or flight?

Her fingers shook as she tore open the envelope with her mother's handwriting on the front. Skimming the letter furiously, Janice searched and searched. She didn't know what she was looking for but-

Her breath hitched in her throat. She was struggling to swallow the weight of their stares. Reading and rereading the words until her eyes were too blurry to see. Waiting for somebody to tell her that it wasn't true.

Fight or flight?

There was a hand on her back and the familiar feeling of a leg pressed against her own but she was too numb to notice. She shook her head and opened her mouth in an attempt to speak but the words wouldn't come out. They sat on her tongue and rotted with what could have been.

Fight or flight?

Janice begged her legs to stop burning for just a moment and take her away. Instead, she let the first tear fall. And the second. And then she was done. Her body was back in action and her mind had made its decision.

Flight.

Her aching limbs rushed her out of the room and carried her to her dorm room. She was sat there on her bed but she could envision her bleeding heart pulsating on the bench in the great hall.

Her dad was dead. How does one process that information. It can't be true. How can it?
There's no proof. He's probably sitting at their home right now watching a nature documentary. He's probably got his feet up on the recliner as he slowly sinks further into the old leather. He's probably laying cold on a slab, latex gloves prodding and poking him, with his glassy eyes closed.

How could he do that? How could he leave Janice and her mother to pick up the pieces of his death? Why didn't anybody tell her sooner and let her see him one last time? She felt such an intense burning within her that it tired her out and left her feeling like a stub. 

It began as a small, sharp pain in her chest. A thread wrapping itself around her lungs. Around and around and around. The hurt grew and spread and travelled through her bloodstream. It visited every cell in her body. Her limbs ached and her head felt so heavy that she couldn't stay sat upright anymore.

It was when she was laying down on her bed, staring up at her ceiling, it truly sank in. She would never see him again. Never hear his laugh. Or feel his warm hands clasp hers. Or play him a song on her guitar. Or rate his cooking out of ten. There was now a dad-shaped hole in her life.

note: this chapter has been done so lazily. it's almost definite that at some point i will re write it but i guess i should just leave it at that  for now. i'm really not in the headspace to perfect this chapter and i'm gagging to get onto some of the later events.