Three Reasons

Chapter 17

Reagan closed the door to her room just as Hunter was entering the house. A month has gone by since she spoke to him. She pretended as If she lived there alone. Of course she missed him but she couldn't allow herself to fall into his arms again. He hated her. Of course he feed her but that was only for the children sake. He could care less about her and she had told him that she was in love with him. He probably laughed at her when she walked away. Stupid her. But the truth was she did love him and she did want to be with him but he didn't feel the same for her. And she knew that one sided love never worked out.
Reagan noticed Hunter took the direction to go to his mother's house as they drove. She sighed. They were coming from her doctor's appointment. She just wanted to go home and rest. She wasn't feeling herself and sleep was what she wanted.
 
  "I don't want to go to your mother's house Hunter."
  
 "Too bad." She sighed again as she rest her head on the window.
 
  "Why are we going over there?"
 
  "My mother wants to have dinner with us."
  
 "I'm tired. I just want to sleep." She was now seven months pregnant and she didn't want to deal with anything right now. "Please can we just go home? I'll. make it up to your mother. I promise."
  
 "We're already on our way."
 
  "I'm so tired Hunter. Please." She pleaded.
 
  "We'll leave in a few hours." Tears came to her eyes but she forced them away. She knew that she was more tired from her cancer then the babies. Why couldn't he see her pain?
  
 "That was so good Mrs. Smith"
 
  "Thank you darlin." She said with a smile. Reagan knew that something was up. She could feel it. This was the first time with her being here that everyone was there at the same time. She felt awkward. She knew it was best to leave now. Her hunches were almost always right and right now she didn't feel right. And she felt more tired than ever. She had forced herself to eat because she didn't have an appetite but still didn't want to be rude.
   
"Are you ready?" She asked Hunter giving him a pleading stare but he acted as If he hadn't notice.
 
  "Trying to leave already I see." Mrs. Smith said.
 
  "I'm just very tired is all. My head is spinning and I just want to lay down." She said honestly. She didn't feel right. She felt nausea and the room began to spin. She closed her eyes for a few seconds. “Hunter...please. Can we go?
 
  "Alright I'm done with beating around the bush." Alison said tossing her napkin aside. "You getting rid of your babies?"
   
"You told them?" Reagan asked Hunter in disbelief.
  
 "We all want to know why you're leaving." He said in anger. "So why?"
 
  "I can't believe this. I want to leave now." She stood looking over at Hunter. "If you don't take me I'll walk."
   
 "Why are you leaving them? We just want to know." Darlene said in a sad voice. She just couldn't ever imagine leaving her son so she didn't understand Reagan's decision to leave her babies.
  
 "I just want to leave." Reagan said. Everyone in the room was spinning as they came closer to her. It was like a horror film where it was just seconds before she passed out from the pain of being stabbed.
   
"Hunter please." She pleaded. "I'm not feeling well."
 
  "How do you think those babies will feel once there sick and you're not there to take care of them like a mother should?" Mrs. Smith snapped.
  
 "How dare you bring these babies into the world just to leave them?" Alison snapped. "You're the worst person I've ever known."
  
 "I'm not a bad person." Reagan said on the verge of tears.
 
  "Like hell you are. You're just going to have these babies then leave them. You don't deserve to be a mother. Their probably better off without you in their life anyway."
  
 "You're the scum of the earth that don't deserve to be called a mother." Mrs. Smith said.
 
  "I love my babies. Hunter i want to leave now." Was all Reagan could say.
   
"Hunter I can't believe you got this low life pregnant. If their even your babies." Alison said.
  
 "You don't know me. You don't know anything about me."  Reagan spat.
 
  "Damn right I don't. And neither does Hunter. From my understanding you were just a booty call. You're a whore just like the rest of them. Only wanted my brother for his money."
  
 "I have my own money. I've never asked Hunter for anything. I've given him everything he's ever asked of me though. The only thing I've ever said no to was coming here. I knew something was up. I knew you all were going to double team me. No one understand a my life; what I've been threw. What I'm still going threw. You all sit in here on your high horse erasing the world around you. You all just live in your own fucking bubble thinking everyone in this world is just as happy as you are, but news flash it's not all candy canes and apples for everyone. Sorry that we all can't enjoy the flashy cars, the perfect husband, or perfect family. Sorry but I come from the real world. You're not going to stand here and be little me. Everything I've ever done in this world was to make the people around me happy. I want the best for my babies. I thought giving them to there father was the best but now I'm thinking I'm wrong."
   
"You better not take my brothers babies away from him." Alison spat.
 
  "Oh so now there his babies. Am I a whore or am I not a whore? You can't have it both ways. I'm leaving. Maybe if I find the real father of my babies he'd want to take care of them." She turned to leave.
   
"How can you be for children? Fight for children, but want to give your own babies away?" Darlene said. She was hurt. Reagan could hear it in her voice. "All the times we sat down and talked you could do nothing but talk about the children that you've help and wanted to help. Everything you talked about were kids and you want to give your own babies away? Why Reagan?"
  
 "You don't understand."
 
  "Then make me understand!" Darlene yelled. Up until now this was the first time she raised her voice. "At first I admired you, but now that admiration is quickly turning into hate. Why are you walking away from your babies!"
 
  "I'm dying!" She yelled. "There you happy now? I'm fucking dying.” They all took a step back now.
   
 "What?" Alison said in disbelief. Tears begin falling from Reagan's face.
 
  "You want to know the reason why I left the first time?" She said directing that question to Hunter. “I found out that I had cancer. The day you seen me in the restaurant by myself is the day I found out. The reason I couldn't stay is because my doctor was in New York and I had to start Chemo asap. I stayed here in Texas longer than I was supposed to because out of the few days of just spending with you I couldn't see myself without you. I fell in love with you then. It killed me inside to leave you."
   The tears came and she stubbornly wiped them away. "But who wants a dying woman by their side? I swore to myself that I would get better, and then I would come back and if you still wanted me then I would do everything in my power to make you happy. I didn't want to nor did I plan to get pregnant because of the simple fact that I'm dying, and I didn't want to leave my children here on their own like my mother did me. I didn't want them to experience the loneliness I've felt. Being scared all day everyday because I abandoned them. I wanted kids yes but that was before I found out I was sick. I dreamt and prayed for a man that wanted and needed me. I never had anyone to love me. Being molested and touched by men who said they love me, but was only their to hurt me. And it always seemed to be raining and thundering during those days. I hated it.” She wiped her tear drenched face. “Going from foster home to foster home because it was all about the money to them. I was never adopted just used. So at the age of sixteen I was forced to go out into the world and be an adult. I never had anyone to lean on." She looked back at Hunter. "You were the only one in the world to make me feel something other than pain besides the children that I've helped. I have no one." She wiped her face. "I couldn't give you an answer to if I was a virgin because I didn't know."
   
"What are you talking about?" Alison asked.
 
  "All the men that would touch me and do things to me. It confused me. Made me shut down from all men. Hunter is the only man I've been with willingly. I was tired of being alone so when Hunter approached me I took the opportunity to feel. I was dying so at that point I didn't care. I just wanted... She paused. I just wanted to feel and Hunter gave me that. I felt safe with him. I felt like he actually cared about me and it made me fall in love with him." She began shaking. "I love you Hunter with all of my heart. I never meant to fall in love with you, but I did and I hated myself for doing so. I didn't want to bring babies into this world only to leave them. I know how it feel to have no one. I don't want my babies to go threw that so I came back to give them to you so that they would have a happy life. I just want them to be happy. There’s  no helping me. They are my everything. They mean the world to me. Since the day I found out I was pregnant it's been about no one but them. I'm doing something that I hated my mother for doing to me and that's abandoning my babies, my only thing is I have no choice. So there you go. My life. The reason why I'm abandoning my babies." She turned back to leave only to grab for the wall to get her balance. The room was really spinning. Missing the wall she fell to the floor onto her stomach.
  
 "Reagan!"