An Abundance of Robins

chapter three

this story is 99% dialogue and I just...can't be bothered to adjust that lmao

"So, since they know who the demon's mother is can we just tell them our names?" Red Hood stage whispered to Red Robin.

"Hood, I swear, I am this close to-"

"Timothy Drake, Jason Todd, and Damian. There, saved you the trouble." Dick pointed to Red Robin, Red Hood, and Robin, respectively, as he listed their names off.

"Who the fu-"

"Language, Jason."

"-ck do you think you are, Dickhead? Haven't you got the memo? I'm the asshole family member, not you, Goldie. How would you like it if I spoiled your fun and revealed your futures to you, hmm?"

"Jason, please, for once in your life make the smart choice and shut up." Tim groaned.

"When have you ever known me to make the smart choice?"

"He does have a point, Drake. I can't believe I just agreed with him." Damian muttered to himself.

"Wait, if your last names are Drake and Todd, and Damian's last name was not revealed, does that mean Damian is the only blood son of Batman?" M'gann asked, putting the clues together.

"That we know of. B is kind of a player." Jason shrugged. "He could have a whole farm of kids that we don't know about, just waiting to pull them into the line of duty, into, dare I say, Robin hood."

"Todd, leave the puns and word play to your predecessor, he is much better at it."

"Ah, screw you, Damian. I thought it was funny." Jason sneered. "And why say predecessor? He revealed our identities, why can't we reveal his?"

"Uh, because it would be rude?" Tim tried.

Jason snorted. "It would be rude? Really? That's your defense?"

Tim shrugged. "I gave it a worthy try, sue me."

"Can't, I'm legally dead." Jason shot back before turning to the very confused and slightly amused team and Justice League, all of whom were watching the three brothers interact with curious expressions. "Goldie's real name is Dick. I won't reveal his last name because, despite what these two may think, I care about the future a little bit, and he has already been taken in by B. If I reveal his last name then y'all would find out Batman's identity."

Batman was stunned. "Thank you, Jason. I was under the impression that you do not like me all that much."

Jason snorted. "It comes in waves, don't push it. Besides, I'm waiting for the perfect time to reveal your identity, B."

Do you think he actually is legally dead?

He is under a truth spell, he has to say what is only true. And he mentioned earlier that he died...so it must be true.

Should we ask him?

Gee, I don't know, would you want to be asked about your death?

...fair point. I wonder why he doesn't like Batman though. 

Why don't you ask him?

He looks like he would eat me for breakfast and enjoy it, you ask him.

Fine.

"Jason, why don't you like Batman?"

Jason scoffed. "I don't know, maybe because he never avenged my death? Maybe because he won't kill the Joker? Maybe because whenever I do something wrong he gets all grumbly and punchy, but whenever Goldie or Timbo or Damian do anything, he just brushes it off?"

"That's not true, Jason!" Tim snapped. "He yells at us just as much."

"Not Goldie or Damian! They're his favorites and you know it, don't event try to deny it." Tim stayed silent, glaring at the floor in front of him. "One is the original, the perfect predecessor to live up to and the other is his freaking blood son! Of course they are his favorites."

"He likes Black Bat."

"That's because she is an angel and can do no wrong, Timothy."

"Todd speaks the truth, Drake."

Who is Black Bat?! There's another one!?

They said 'she'...

So? Robin isn't gender specific...

Touché...

"Who is Black Bat?" Dick asked.

"The best fighter out of all of us."

"The coolest person I know."

"The only one I am willing to admit is a worthy opponent."

"Oh, shut up, Damian. We can all take you in a fight."

As the three from the future broke down into a squabble about who would win in a fight, the heroes of the present walked a slight distance away to discuss what they had learned so far from their interrogation.

"Not much, I have to say." Superman shrugged.

"Not true, we have learned their real names as well as their alter egos, we have learned that Damian is the blood son of Batman and that his mother is Talia al Ghul." Cue pointed looks towards Batman. "And we have learned that there is at least a fifth member of this, shall we call it, Bat Family."

"And we learned that Robin's - our Robin- real name is Dick!" Artemis pointed out before gasping. She glared at Robin before pulling him to the side, away from everyone else. He gave her as much of an innocent look as he could muster. "I am so not laughing, Grayson."

Dick shrugged innocently. "I don't know what you're ta-"

"Save it, we both know that you do." Artemis scoffed. "Both are gymnasts. Both orphans. Both live in Gotham and attend GA...its obvious, now that I think about it. Plus, Batman's alter ego could totally fund his operations."

Dick sighed. "You know, you can't tell anyone about this, right?"

"Of course, I'm not stupid. And I know that Wally knows, too." Artemis smirked. "So, let the games begin within the team, eh, Dickie boy?"

Dick groaned. "No, no thank you."

"Too late, its happening."

"I hate it here. I'm asking the three if they'll take me to the future with them."

Artemis gasped, grabbing Dick's arm. "Dude, what if the reason they become Robins is because you...die?"

Dick paused, mulling this thought over. "Well, I guess there is only one way to find out." He went over to the three from the future and asked them point blank if he died and they all laughed.

"No, Dick, you don't. We won't tell you why or how we all become Robins but you don't die...yet."

"That sounds like a threat, Jason."

"Maybe it is, maybe it isn't."