1.1 | rainbows after storms • knj ✓

004

YOU FOUND HIM working in the grocery store again the next day. He was keeping the items in the rack, you were on your way home from the library when he caught your eye through the glass. He turned your way making you hide immediately.

You look through the glass again, you don't find him anywhere so you shrug it off and walk home. You couldn't focus on reading any of the books. You always couldn't focus but today, you were feeling worse. You were more tired and fatigued, emotionally and mentally drained. You would have felt even worse if you had checked messages from your Dad. He would've guilt tripped into talking to him which you did not want to. You wanted to let it all out but you just couldn't cry.

"Hey!" You hear him shout. Oh no. He saw you. You stop in your tracks and take a deep breath. Turning slowly, you face him as he walks towards you. "W-What?" You ask. He has the same cap from yesterday, his expressions guilty of something. He is standing a feet away from you.

"About yesterday.."

"What about it?" Your hands are in your pockets so he can't really see how you're fidgeting with your fingers. "I'm sorry..to scare you like that.." he says, as he pursed his lips and awkwardly scratched his neck.

"You didn't scare me.." you say, your eyes falling on the see-through glass of the store. "Then why did you run away?" He asks, half-confused and half-curious.

"Um, oh, that-" you have this urge to run away from him again. He seems harmless, but your mind reminds you that this could turn into something friendly and you could be hurt, or worse, you could somehow hurt him. "You know what, I have things to do, so see you around." You say and walk swiftly.

"Wait, what's your name!" He yells again. You don't stop this time.

You run and run until you reach home. This happens all the time, your heart wants to be open to everyone, but your mind tells you that people are scary. They will hurt you and you'll never know. Your breath is heavy from the running, your legs are wobbly, a sudden chill runs down your spine, there is a knot twisted in your stomach. Skipping lunch was not a good idea, because now you're nauseous. You grip the door for support, when your breath is steady and your heart is pacing at a normal rate, the feeling washes away. With fatigued legs, you walk upstairs, all you want to do is sleep and feel the warmth of your bed and your blankets.

_

7:00 P.M. Your Mom had arrived home from work early, so she cooks something for you and your sister. As the three of you are seated for dinner, your mom fondly stares at her two kids. "How are studies going on, Riya?" Her soft voice asks. Riya smiles, excited at the question, "I got an A+ on my science project! And my studies are going good as well!!" says the 6th grader. "That's great, baby.." she says, proud. Then her eyes fall on you, "How was your day, honey?"

"It was fine," you nod and say, as you chew your food, "I didn't do much today.."

She smiles, but this smile has something hidden. You could read it well. Even though she was smiling, you could tell she was disappointed. "Have you..thought about applying for colleges again?"

There is the question which you dreaded the most. "Mom.."

"Honey.." she starts. You don't want to have that conversation. Not for a few more months atleast. "Are you sure you want this break?"

"Mom.." Whenever you think about it, your head explodes.

"No, I totally understand you honey. I know you hated the college experience, and I know what you must be going through right now, but I just.. I just want you to think about it again, you know? I don't want you wasting your time like this. You are smart."

You held it in. You wanted to tell her that you were lost. You didn't know what you were doing with yourself anymore. As if your brain had stopped functioning. You wanted to tell her that no, she didn't know what you were going through, because the more you thought about everything, the more you were lost. You wanted to tell her all of this. But you gave one look at her face, her face even though ageless, you could see the worry lines. You heard her cry so many times in the kitchen, in her bedroom, when she thought no one was here. She was fighting her battles alone, so you didn't want to tell her about what you were going through.

You just nod and continue eating. Your sister glanced at your mother and then at you, continuing to eat. The dining room fell silent with just the cutleries making the noise.

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