Stronger Than She Looks (Divergent Eric)

{1} Amity

Taking a deep breath, I climb steadily until I reach my favoured branch at the top of the apple tree. Gnarled and twisted, the branches are thick with age and can easily support my weight. Over the years these trees have become my sanctuary; somewhere to escape when it all becomes too much.

But this will be the last time I climb them. I'd always imagined I'd be happy to leave it all behind. However now I'm faced with the reality of leaving, my thoughts are tinged with sadness and unbelievably a small amount of doubt. For years I'd known I would choose Dauntless. I've watched the Fence guards with unbridled curiosity and gazed in awe at the noisy rabble of Dauntless children at school.

Taking my aptitude test, I'd hadn't once considered that I'd get anything but Dauntless. But instead, in hushed tones the word "Divergent" was whispered. I'd never even heard of such a thing. Apparently I have an aptitude for all of the factions. All of them? How can that be?

Leaning back again the branch, I carefully lower my head to see the night sky. I should go home, but I can't yet. My Mother knows I won't return home from the choosing ceremony. She would never say it to me, but I can see it in her eyes. I just can't face her right now. I love her dearly, but I know I'm not Amity. Even my love for her is not enough to make me stay.

I've lost count of the number of times they've been forced to administer the serum. Quick to loose my temper, hot headed; there's lots of ways to describe me and none of them are Amity.

I can see the stars from here. I wonder if I'll be able to see them from the city. I've never been there at night, but it seems a world away from the quiet of the Amity farms. Will I be able to sneak off like this in Dauntless? To find some quiet spot to gaze at the night sky. There's something intrinsically calming about escaping from everybody else to be somewhere so silent and still.

Reluctantly with a heavy heart, I begin my slow decent to the ground. Despite telling my Mother not to wait up, she will. And anyway, it's not fair to stay away for the whole night when this could be the last time we ever see each other. Perhaps that's my Abnegation showing.

***

I'm not sure I slept at all. My Mother was of course waiting for me, and seeing her sat quietly in the kitchen just about broke my heart. I love her so much, but it's just not enough. Not enough to make me stay and endure a life of enforced manual labour in the fields.

Of course all the factions enslave us, just in different ways.

Abnegation serve.

Amity provide.

Candor judge.

Dauntless protect.

Erudite discover.

It's beautifully poetic really. Outwardly the appearance is that of a system that allows its members freedom of choice. The ability to decide their own futures.

But the reality is that of control. Of subjugation. A tiny amount of carefully regulated freedom is followed by a lifetime of constraint, enforced within a specific factions rules.

I don't feel like I fit in anywhere. I know what I'm not, but to decide my entire future based on this one decision. It's overwhelming.

For the last time, I dress myself as Amity. I pull on a pair of figure hugging red jeans and a long slim fitting mustard yellow t shirt. I braid my hair, as is the Amity custom. That's one thing I'll be reluctant to let go. My thick blonde hair is long, and I enjoy pulling it into intricate braids.

As I smooth my top down, I catch sight of myself in my bedroom mirror. When I see myself next, what symbolic faction colours will I wear?

Until my aptitude test I had always been convinced that I would be Dauntless.

Years of helping farm the land have toned my muscles, combined with actively pushing myself to improve my strength and fitness in preparation for this day. My physique is toned but curvy. I'll never loose my broad hips, narrow waist and ample chest no matter how much I train; but like most Amity women I am physically strong. But am I truly Dauntless? Can I really be part of the warrior faction?

I'd never even heard of Divergent until Tory, my test administrator had whispered in hushed tones that I'd received multiple factions. She'd seemed most shocked that I'd shown aptitude for them all. Perhaps even amongst Divergents that wasn't common?

But how was I supposed to find answers to any of the hundreds of questions I had? Her dire warnings to tell no one still resounded in my head. She'd looked genuinely terrified as she quickly ushered me out the back door.

"Starla! We need to go. The trucks will be leaving soon!" My Mother calls from downstairs.

Suddenly I don't want to leave. This is all I've ever known. What if Dauntless is even worse?

I take a few deep breaths and focus on my breathing. I need to get a grip. I want this. I'm not going to chicken out at the last minute.