𝙫𝙞𝙧𝙩𝙪𝙖𝙡 𝙚𝙢𝙤𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣 ~ 𝙝𝙖𝙧𝙧𝙮 𝙡𝙚𝙬𝙞𝙨

chapter twenty-six

HEAVY TRIGGER WARNING READ AT OWN RISK; MENTIONS OF DR*GS, OV*RD*SE, S*IC*DE

"tobi..." ethan mumbled out, putting his hand on his shoulder.

"look at this, i don't think bog's death was accidental."

dear boys,

i used to think everything was sunshine and rainbows. for some people, yes it is, for others it's the complete opposite. for me, it's just clouds and lightning. over and over, until the sunshine peeps out over the cloud, but then it hides away behind another cloud. i wanted to feel like sunshine and rainbows, thats what lead to the humour. if i wasn't making myself happy, i should try to make others feel happy, right? i tried to make maddie feel happy, but she made me feel horrible about myself. even though things went the way the way they did, i still lied awake at night thinking how things could be different. i still can't tell anyone what i did, because it haunts me to this very day. because i know what i did was wrong. horribly wrong. it was fueled by our toxic relationship, we both teared eachother down. we were both bad for eachother. i was so used to the toxicity, i turned to the drugs. they were mild at first, but then that turned to the hardcore ones. i couldn't stop, no matter what my inside self told me to. the outside of me had to have a good time. had to convince the people i was fine, but it displayed the total opposite. there is no going back in time, no fixing damage caused. it's all burnt, till im nothing but memories.

im sorry boys. i really am.

-bog.

on the letter you could see his tears. he was in pain. but no one could solve his pain, no matter how much they tried. the boys never forgave themselves.

ksi never uploaded again; he took down the disstracks he made on harry, even if they were 3 years ago. he couldnt deal with the hate and abuse he got from the fans. he turned to alcohol, and simon made him check into rehab. the fans still had no remorse. he still couldn't get it out of his head what he saw when he found harry. the disbelief still shocked him.

simon made a charity in harry's name, and raised over 100,000 for drug awareness, and donated it to rehab facilities across the united kingdom. he wanted to do something, not mope around about harry. simon wanted to do one last thing for him.

ethan never fully recovered. after finding the note with tobi, he couldn't forgive himself. on the low, ethan was supplying harry with minor drugs. it may not of killed harry, but it fuelled his addiction. he still uploaded, but everyone said he was different.

tobi didn't speak much after harry's death. they may not of been the closest in the sidemen, but the two had a special bond that no one else saw. they genuinely cared about each other, and harry loved the feeling. putting effort into something, and receiving the same amount back. but thats what broke tobi down a bit more than the rest.

vik always acted tired in his videos. he didn't sleep much, due to the fact he thought he could've been there for harry in the last moments. vik never got a last goodbye, and it broke him. he had to live with that for the rest of his life. he never forgot harry.

at the beginning, josh tried to get over it. he dug himself more into youtube and uploading to get over the fact his best friend died. he still didn't believe it. it kicked in finally after he realised he needed to stop overworking himself.

JUST AS TOXIC AS THE DRUGS, IT WAS THE WORLD THAT KILLED HARRY LEWIS.

the end.