Zeelandia

13. Affinity

Captain trembled with me as he held the embrace. "I have not since Mother." His voice broke, and I heard him swallow. Felt it, my cheek pressed tight to his chest.

He needs this as much as do I. The contact, the enfolding, the loving. Maybe more than I.

No, not maybe.

More.

He has been far longer bereft and without than have I.

One of my arms was held to my side within his embrace, but with my other, I stroked his back, trying to soothe. He purred a low hum and pulled me closer to his chest, and we swayed together, in tune with the gentle motion of the ship.

In silence.

For a long while in silence, then he said, "We should go below, Boy. I must dry my tears." He brushed a finger across my cheek. "And you, yours."

He held the embrace a while longer before he again spoke. "Cookery Mate will be shortly expecting you to fetch our suppers."

I nodded and stroked his back, and with a deep sigh, he unwrapped his arms from about me and led the way down into the growing darkness of the great cabin.

I rushed across to my quarters, opened the tinder box and struck the flint, and with a sulfur stick, lit my lantern and a taper. The cabin took on a yellow glow as I lit the sconces on its bulkheads. Then when I approached Captain's cabin, I saw him sitting on the edge of his bed, elbows on his knees and his face in his hands.

Should I comfort him? What would a boy of fourteen do?

I know what a woman of eighteen would, but I cannot. Not yet. "May I light your lantern, Sir?"

He raised his head from his hands, sniffed and nodded. "Yes, please, Boy."

The lit lamp showed his cheeks glistening with tears, and I hesitated.

He pointed to his basin. "I will wash here, and you may use the one in my privy." He chuckled. "With the increasing comforts I find in there, I suspect you have been making use of it for some time, now."

My face warmed with colour, then I shrugged. "Thank you, Sir. I had found it more comfortable than facing the ridicule of the men about the weeness of my pizzle. And I thought you would not mind since I was regularly in there anyway – cleaning. And I do always clean after me."

He smiled, and it pleased me to see his mood had turned.

Inside, with my lantern on the bench, I sat to piss and to wash the wetness I had expected to be there, but I found none. None but the usual dribbles of piss, and I pondered. All the trembling I had done, but no slippery wet. That had been a different trembling. Not one from thinking about Captain in that manner.

Then, in what manner was this?

I dropped the square of cotton through the hole, took a fresh one and damped it to wipe my face and fingers, then I pulled up my breeches, wondering all the while.

A minute later, while I made my way forward with my lantern, I noted it was darker on deck than it had been on previous days. And I pondered this, as well. Something to ask Captain to help keep his mind from the painful thoughts of his mother.

Cookery Mate had our supper food ready when I arrived, and I replied to his question about my tardation. "Captain was instructing me in the practices of navigation, Mate."

"Aye, yer like him, Boy. Able to learn new things and eager to."

"It delights me to hear you say this, Mate." I hefted the pannier from the table and headed aft.

It had earlier been awkly to have Steward serve me, but I soon realised he was serving Captain's guest, and not me as his own underling. And this eased my concern.

Midway through supping, after Captain had satisfied my questions about the compass, I asked, "Why is it darker now when I fetch supper?"

"As we voyage westward, sunrise, noon and sunset grow to a different time, and with the clouds these past days, we have not accounted that for a while. If we see the horizon at noon on the morrow, we will adjust the bells to the sun."

"And the red sky this evening predicts a clear morrow."

"How know you this?"

"Father had a rhyme he would recite about this. Red sky at night, sailors delight. Red sky of the morning, sailors take warning."

Captain bobbed his head in a slow pattern while pursing his lips. "I have often seen that borne out." He smiled at me. "How would you explain this?"

I pondered for a while, tilting my head side-to-side to show I was searching for reason. Then I said, "I have watched this from our pastures to prove its truth, and I postulate the clear sky in the setting sun's path toward us, allows the full refraction of its colour through the Earth's atmosphere. This would show us we have clear sky approaching for the morrow. And if clouds are between us and the sun, they will be upon us come the morn."

"You are beyond my learning in this."

"And you are far beyond mine in so many ways."

We sat long at the table after we had finished eating, continuing our broad-ranging intercourse. I told him about Mother, consumed from within and finally passing, and when I sensed I could broach the topic, I asked, "Your mother? I am interested to know more about her."

He winced, remaining silent, and I wondered why I had posed the question, wishing I had a way to retract it.

Then, he said. "I spent weeks helpless while Mother turned black with the plague, and she forbade me to touch her, lest I catch the contagion."

Oh, God! Why have I brought him here?

Captain continued. "One day, when I returned from begging, she was not there. Then in the street, I knew what had once been her was in the waggon as it was drawn away. I was warned not to follow." He closed his eyes, grimaced and bowed his head.

I placed a hand on his and said. "I am so sorry to have brought these memories."

He placed a hand on mine and squeezed. "I have not examined this since. But as painful as it is, I must, else it will ever haunt me."

"We can examine this later, Sir."

"No, I must now – now it has been broached." He continued through his recollections, concluding with, "Then the fire. That seemed to burn the contagion, and people dared to breathe freely again, even though the stench hung. The stench of death replaced by that of smoke and char as London burnt."

"I have read about the great fire. How ever did you survive?"

"Its spread had forced many to find refuge along the Thames embankment, and I was fortunate to have shelter beneath the pallings of a barge." He paused at the ringing of four bells, then he said, "It has grown late. And with much more ease than has been my custom."

He stood and asked, "Would you allow me to embrace you again. Boy?"

I nodded, swallowing to clear the constriction in my throat as I rose to stand close in front of him, and as we wrapped our arms, I asked, "Might we do this as we greet of the morning, and of each evening before we retire?"

"We shall make a habit of this, Boy."

Then, silently, we trembled together, suffused with the love of each other.