Zeelandia

15. Ashore

I stared seaward, disquieted by the screech of gulls and the pall of hot, fetid air as I reflected. I had been so happy these past many days with Captain. Each increasingly blissful. Over a month, now. I sighed at the memories. 

Now I sit pining over lost love.

Lost love? Or one not yet gained?

He had loved the idea of me as a son, not the reality of me as a person. Not as who I am.

Why had I acted with such haste? Could I not have enjoyed it longer? Should I have allowed him more time to grow to love me?

But would he? Mother had not grown to love Father, no matter how he tried. One cannot put two people together and expect love to grow.

But I know now I am able to love.

Not love as for Father. Love of a man. Of a man held as a lover in my mind.

I warmed to the memories of exquisite experiences my hands had brought. Brought as I caressed the image of him with my mind. I can do this still. He has not taken that from me.

The evening had darkened when I realised I had been dreaming again, and I blew a deep sigh. To where from here? I have no clothes but those of a boy. Might I find more appropriate apparel in town?

I rose from the stone upon which I had perched and turned to scan back along the strand toward the town, now small in the distance. I need shelter, and I will find none way out here. Heaving another sigh, I hefted my bundle and headed back the way I had come, wondering why I had wandered so far into this empty desolation.

The moon high overhead was my only illumination when I reached the first buildings, but with it waxing toward full, it offered sufficient. That I not see the ship and be reminded, I turned up a lane well short of the wharves, but this led me fast to the back edge of town and the lane's end.

It was then I realised the town was broad but shallow, and it ranged along a rutted road rimming the bay's shoreline. I turned back and followed it along. Perhaps the town deepens toward its centre, and there, I might find an inn, a hostelry for the night. I patted my pocket to confirm my purses were there.

A long walk later, orange glows through windows lit the street, and as I approached, a hubbub increased. Closer, it became voices sounding through open windows. A publick house? Might there be a room for me?

The carved images of a swan and a bed, suspended above the door, confirmed the building's identity, so with my bundle on a shoulder, I entered, pausing in the darkness just inside to find where I might go. An old man with a lantern and a large ring of keys descended the stairs while I stood, and he enquired of my apparent confusion, "Ye seem lost, lad. How may I assist?"

"I am in need of a room for the night, Sir. Might need several nights while I establish myself."

"Have you means?"

"Means, Sir?"

"Coin, lad. And 'tis more dear here than in England. A room here be three shillings with supper and breakfast."

"I have already supped. To what would it amount without?"

"That'll be two and six, then." Then he tilted his head. "But with yer fancy talk and manner, ye might want better. With clean bedding, a chamber pot, basin and ewer, that'll be a crown."

I nodded, my gut cringing at the thought of an unclean bed. "And four and six without supper, Sir?"

"Aye. A sharp young lad ye be." He reached out his hand. 

I withdrew the smaller purse from my pocket and counted him a half-crown and two shillings.

After he had examined their edges and rang the pieces on the table, he pocketed them and pointed toward the stairs. "Follow me, lad."

As he led me past the door to the common room, I saw men at the tables, so I quickly moved my bundle to hide my face, lest some be from Zeelandia.

Safely upstairs and along the hallway, the innkeeper sorted through his ring, opened the clasp and slid the selected key off. "This be yer room, lad."

He unlocked the door and checked inside, then he said, "I'll have a maiden come up with new bed linen, and a boy with a basin, ewer and pot."

I remembered what Father had told me, so I asked, "May I also order a bath?"

"That'll be another shilling. Two if ye want hot."

"Hot, please." I retrieved my small purse and counted two more shillings into his hand.

As he gave me the key, he said, "The maids and boys will be up with the tub as soon as we've water heated. Maybe half an hour." Then as he headed out the door, he cautioned, "Keep this locked, lad. There be unsavoury people about, what with the ships to the wharf and all the escaped negurs."

"Escaped negurs, Sir?"

"People black as the night brought here from Aferca to work the sugar."

I nodded, remembering what Father had said about the slaves. "Thank you, Sir. I shall take care."

I bolted the door after he had left, then crossed the room to open the window for fresh air. There, not fifty feet away on the wharf below me lay Zeelandia.

My heart fluttered as I sank to my knees and wept.