Saving myself (complete)

Not little miss perfect

I laid in the hospital bed with Asher holding my hand. Eli was holding my other, Jace had fallen asleep a few hours ago. The doctor came in with her clipboard and gave me a sad smile.

"I'm so sorry for your loss Miss. Callient." Her words confused me. What loss? No one is gone. Eli's head popped up in confusion. "What loss?" Asher asked before either of us could. The doctor sighed and looked at Jace. Danielle walked in. "What's happening?" She asked as she say down in a chair beside my bed.

"Well Rayne, you lost your baby." She sighed. My mouth dropped open as the news hit me. Asher stood up, pushing his chair back loudly, waking Jace up. Eli squeezed my hand as several tears made their way down my face. I wasn't sad that I lost the baby. I was sad that that monster got me pregnant. It's not the baby's fault. It's never the baby's fault. But I wasn't ready. I couldn't raise a baby that I didn't want in the first place. I couldn't look at it in the face. All I would see is that man.

"My little sister was PREGNANT With that monsters baby?!" Asher was trying to hold back his anger. But he was cracking. Jace stood up next. "What?!" He stood beside Asher. The doctor backed up a little. "Uh yes sir." She replied. Danielle bowed her head, putting her hands on her face. I could tell she was about to cry.

"We keep this hidden. No one else needs to know this." Asher looked at all of us. It's not that he is ashamed of having a sister that was pregnant. It would just be easier if no one knew.

"How long was she pregnant for?" Eli questioned, looking at me. He brought his free hand up and wiped the tears from my face. "She was barely pregnant. Only four weeks or so." The doctor replied looking down at the papers on her clipboard.

Imagine not even being twenty yet, and already had a miscarriage. Not even from something I did. Not from something I actually wanted to do. It was something that was forced on me. I was kidnapped. I'm that time I went through hell. I didn't have sex with anyone. I felt no pleasure at all. It's not something I gave consent to.

The guilty feeling I have though. Is that if I didn't miscarry I would've aborted it. A lot of people are against that. I know that. Killing a baby that didn't do anything wrong before it even had the chance to live. But I couldn't birth something I didn't want. I couldn't care for it the way a mother would. I didn't even want it. I couldn't look at it and see joy. I would just see him. The guy that put the baby in me. And I couldn't put it up for adoption either. It could go to psychopaths or abusers. A child shouldn't have to go through that.

I was carrying a life inside of me though. One that ended before I knew about it.

I sat at the table with a plate of food in front of me, surrounded by my family. Even my MOTHER. She would be leaving tonight. Without us.

"Want to know something that happened today?" Ryan asked everyone with a mouth full of food. I took a bite of macaroni in cheese as Asher nodded at Ryan. Suddenly the little devil looked at me with an evil smirk on his face. I took a sip of my water with suspicion all over my face. "Rayne was talking to a boy in the store." Ryan blurted. As soon as he said that I choked and water tried to force its way out of my mouth.

I eventually was able to finish swallowing as my siblings looked at me. "You're not allowed to do that." Asher crosses his arms. "I'll stab him." Jace took a bite of food. Wow. My family is nuts. "A friend or something more?" Eli asked. "Omg tell me all about it!" Daniella smiles brightly. Our mother stayed quiet as she chewed a bite of food.

"Guy guys stop! Don't pry!" I raised my voice at them and stood up. "I'm tired." I lied. It was only 6pm. I just needed to get away. I needed to think about everything. About Marcus. About my kidnappers. About everything. There were so many things I had questions about. I knew I wouldn't be able to get an answer though. "And it's Monday. So. There's school tomorrow. Try to go to sleep early." I told my siblings.

Only three of my siblings were in school. Jace just graduated, Asher has been graduated, Daniella is a senior, Eli and I are juniors, and Ryan is a freshman. I'm just glad I didn't have to go to school alone. Last year after what happened... I was the talk of the school. It was absolute hell. Every time I saw someone looking at me I instantly knew. They knew about what happened. Or at least they knew that I was missing.

I sat down on my bed and took my phone out. There was one message on there. I sat up with wide eyes. I was trembling. "You think you can get away. You are deceiving yourself. You can't get away. Ever." I read the message over and over again. Each time making me panic more. I can't do this. I can't go back to him. He will kill me.

Then my closed. Could he have found out about the baby? Oh no. I laid back down and sighed. If he found out about it then that will be hell on my part. Even though I didn't do anything to terminate the pregnancy. It probably miscarried because he was beating me. Starving me.

Somehow I know he would've blamed me for it though. Maybe he would even say I tried to abort it. But it was already gone by the time I found out. You never know with psychopaths though. It's not just him I'm afraid of. It's Marcus too. And the other guys. I'm afraid of Mia too. Even though I'm pretty sure she is still locked up. She's the only one that was locked up. The actual kidnappers are still roaming around. They are after me.

They have my number, they surely know where I live, so why haven't they come after me? Maybe it's to mess with my head a little bit. To make me suffer in fear before they take me. I don't know. I took a deep breath and deleted the text. They send them and I delete. If it's out of sight it's out of mind. Even though that wasn't true because I thought about this almost every second of the day.

When did my life become such a mess?