The Kianna Times

"I'm Thankful-ish..." A Thanksgiving Rant

     Hello people of the internet.  It's that time of year again.  When, if you're like me, a depressed teenager, you stay up late trying to think of something to be thankful for that doesn't sound like bs.

     Honestly what is there to be thankful for?  My school friends who don't seem to care that I've fallen off the face of the planet AGAIN and won't answer my texts are on my mind but not in a very "Thankful" way.  My tiny evil fairy teacher is nagging me from the back of my brain.  My head hurts more each day, I'm getting worse.  Everything sucks.

     So, let me ask you somthing that might make me actually feel thankful.  Do I matter to you?  Does my writing impact you?  Would YOU care if I was suddenly gone?

      I can't be thankful for the stupid german cousin of mine that lived with us for 10 months and bullied me for the whole time.  Or my aunts and uncles who have shunned my family.  What if I wanted a family, ever think of that?  But no, my 50 something year old aunts decided to spend their time making me feel like crap instead.

     I'm not thankful for my "stunning good looks" because they don't exist.  I'm average at best.  Hiding behind a makeup facade.  But can you blame me?

      I'm not thankful for my "talent".  Everytime I start to feel good about my acting, singing, dancing, drawing, whatever, I just look to my right.  I work harder than any of the people who "sing like angels" or always get the role, but I'll never win.  They're the Queen and I'm just a Pawn, they have so many chances, and I can barely move.

     I'm not thankful for much, I hate myself.  I feel like a failure as a writer and as a person.  I keep missing school.  My school friends and online friends don't talk to me.  I've always been a friend of convenience...  "There when you need her, ditch her when she breaks!"

     I've only got one friend I consider true, and she'll know who she is.  I bet she'll read this and text me.  I've known her forever, but we just became close about a year ago last year.  My geeky other half.  More like a sister than a friend.  But I always feel like I'm bothersome to her and my other best friends...  Like I'm not worth their time.  Like they answer to be nice.  I'll always feel that way, I guess.

      So I guess I'm thankful-ish...  even though sometimes I just curl up and cry.  I shed a tear or two while writing this, to be honest.  But It's good to get it off of my chest.  And I hope it helps someone else, somehow.  One person.  That's my goal.  If I can help one person.

       Goodbye for now, lovies <3