" I wanna keep falling even If I've already hit the ground "
Mila's POV
We went to a cafe and order food. We didn't talk while eating. After I was done eating I looked at Soobin. - You haven't eaten anything.. - I said to him - Well I wasn't hungry - Oh okay. So can we talk now? - Yes... I guess but let take a walk this place is quite Noisy. - Okay. - ***
Soobin drove to the banpo hangang park,
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We were sitting not actually saying anything, I don't know why I remind quite when I was desperate to know the truth. But something in me told me to wait for him. So here I was sitting next to him and watching a sunset.
It's weird but I suddenly felt calm, for a minute I didn't care what Soobin would say, I actually was okay if he wouldn't say anything.
- Are you Okay? - I asked without thinking, he just smiled at me... - I thought you were interested in something else - I'm. but you don't seem okay. That why I asked - Well you are probably right - Why? What happened?- I asked but he didn't answer anything - is it about what you have to say? - Yeah... It does - Why? - Because I know what will gonna happen when I tell you everything - You are afraid to tell me? - Yes, I am. I still thinking of running away from you... So I won't have to tell you anything but also... I'm scared that you will find out the truth alone and I don't want you to get through this alone.
I felt bad... Really bad for him... I could see how he was struggling... What did I do? What did I do to you Soobin? Why are you like that?
I didn't know if I wanted to know anything anymore, I didn't want him to suffer like that
- What have I done...- I mumbled - why are you suffering like that? - You haven't done anything... You haven't done anything bad but still why I did that to you Mila? How stupid I was? - he looked at me with teary eyes
yes... at that moment I didn't know what was happening, did not know the truth but my heart was raising so fast... I felt a huge pain in my chest,
Yes... I didn't know what happened to us but at that moment I already knew one thing... I cared for him... I cared for him more than myself.
So without thinking I just hug him, At first, he was surprised but then hugged me back.
I missed you... I wanted to say to him... I don't know why and how that was possible but I missed him
- Mila... - he mumbled my name slowly - Take your time Soobin... Tell me when you are ready... I'll wait. - I said to him.
***
We were just walking without saying anything and that was enough... I felt calm and relax but I still wanted to know the truth but not today... Not until he would be ready
- Don't do that again...- he started talking - Do what? - I asked confused - Treat me like that... - I don't get it. - Mila I understand that you don't remember anything but... I don't deserve you to treat me so nicely. - But... I can see how hard it is for you and I... - No! Don't mind me Mila. If you want to know the truth you should ask me. Yesterday you were so desperate to know the truth and now you are telling me to take my time?! Never do that again! - I don't understand. What is your problem?! I'm just trying to help you - And don't do it. It's not helping! You are so nice to me right now and knowing that it will change after I tell you everything... This is hurting me the most so don't do that... Don't give me hope... Please - he almost screamed at me...
I didn't know what to say or do... I didn't know how to act... I was scared to say anything... And that moment I knew one thing... I don't wanted to know anything anymore... Not because I wasn't interested anymore NO! I wanted to give him hope... And if that was possible I was ready to give up on everything
- So... You will answer all of my questions? You will do whatever I ask? - I asked him - Yes! So do it! Right know. - Okay then do me a favor and don't tell me the truth! - Okay I'll tell you everything...- he started talking but then stop - wait what did you say? - you heard me. I don't want to know anything. I don't care what you think you deserve. You asked me not to give you any hope but I want to do that... Sorry if I'm hurting you but I'm giving you hope - What do you mean? - he asked confused - You said that you have changed and I believe in that... So first show me how you have changed and then you can tell me the truth... - I answered, he was about to say something but I stopped him - That's enough for today... It's getting late, I'll better go home. I'll see you at school tomorrow okay? - I said and smiled.
What have I done?! Well, I don't know... I was confused but I wanted to spend more time with him so I had to do it... Will I regret that? Maybe.... But all we have is now
