Today's the day (Will be rewritten soon)

Chapter 9

Time of death 00:00, 17th of August, Jane's birthday

- Megan's point of view

You'll never be able to prepare yourself for the death of a loved one. Even when you know they could die any day now, you'll never be able to properly say goodbye before someone dies, because there will always be things you want to say to them or memories you want to relive so you'll never forget them. You want to remember their voice, smile, every single detail about them.

No one is ready to say goodbye to a loved one. No parent should have to bury a child, no friend should have to say goodbye to another friend and no sibling should have to live with their other half.

Saying goodbye is never easy and it'll never be.

It's been three hours since Jane passed away, some nurses came in to remove all of the equipment and the IV's, not hearing a heartbeat through the monitor anymore makes it even more real. She's gone and nobody's coping very well. Ben is having a mental breakdown in an empty office, Jane's parents and her sister are sitting next to Jane's bed, stroking Jane's arm and hand, James is somewhere outside and I'm breaking down in the corner of the room. I just lost my best friend to some f***ing illness and I just can't accept that she is gone yet. I've known her since we were still in diapers. We have supported and helped each other whenever we could but this was the one thing that I couldn't help her with, I could only support her.

I decide to get up and go look for Ben because I know he is blaming himself for taking her out that night. He thinks by taking her out that night he brought her death closer. But it wasn't his fault. He did a good thing that night. He gave her one last normal and happy night and I'll be forever grateful for him giving her that one last good night before she passed away.

I knock on the door. "Ben, can I come in?" I hear a faint sound, which I presume is a yes, so I enter the room only to find a very emotional Ben in the corner of the room. Curled up with a box of tissues and a picture of Jane in his hands. I walk over to him, seat myself next to him and pull him to me. The moment his head touches my shoulder he starts crying again. In the nine years, I've known Ben I've never seen him cry. He didn't just lose his friend, he lost the love of his life.

"Ben, please talk to me. We're all here for you. I'm here for you. But you'll have to talk to me, you can't keep blaming yourself. It'll destroy you from the inside out." He took a deep breath, trying to calm down before he started: "It's just all my fault. If I had just brought her to the hospital, they could've helped her and maybe she would have been alive right now. I'm just not ready to say goodbye yet." I grab both his hands and make him look at me. "It is not your fault. You gave her a wonderful night, you gave her one last normal night before the end. I know that if she is looking down on us right now that she wouldn't want you to think of 'what if's'. She would want you to say your goodbyes and move on. No one is gonna forget her, everybody is gonna miss her and you will love her forever."

We sat like that for about half an hour before Ben suddenly said: "I want to go see her. Is she still in the room?" I was a bit taken aback by the sudden question but managed to answer: "I think so, do you want to do it alone?" "Yes, I think I need to say my goodbye alone."

I grab his hand and lead him back to the room, where a nurse just came in to talk to Jane's parents. The nurse says: "Is it okay to take her away? Has everybody said their goodbyes?" "I haven't," Ben says, "could I have a few minutes alone with her?" Jane's mom immediately answers: "Of course, take your time." Everybody leaves the room, and I close the door behind me to give Ben some privacy.

- Ben's point of view

I walk over to the bed very slowly, still not completely grasping that I'll never be able to look into her beautiful blue eyes again, I'll never hear her laugh again and I'll never see her beautiful smile again. I place myself on the chair right next to the bed. I grab her hand, which is already cold, and place a kiss on the back of her hand. Then I start my goodbye.

"Hey, beautiful. You know, I've been thinking a lot this past hour about what would've happened if I didn't take you out. If I had just brought you to the hospital or stayed at home with you. I kept blaming myself, until Megan, quite gently actually, knocked some sense into me. It wasn't anyone's fault, but if we had to blame someone or something it would be this f***ing disease. It took you away from us, from the world, way too soon. You could've accomplished many things and I would've been there to support you all the way. I'll always remember you like the girl in eighth grade that hit Liam so hard in the face after he bullied James, that he just went down and didn't get up. You never tolerated bullying, you always stood up to them even if it got you into trouble. You had a heart of gold and everybody that ever met you should be grateful. You know, I've kinda had a crush on you since that day. I just never told anyone because I thought you didn't like me. Turns out I should've just went for it, because when you wait for too long you might be too late. I wish that I told you sooner. We could've made a lot of beautiful memories, with just the two of us or with all our friends. I wish I told you I love you sooner. But I can't turn back time. So I have to live with memories I already have and I need to make sure I never forget them."

I stand up and place a kiss on her cold forehead. I look at her face one last time, remembering every single detail about it. This was the woman I loved and this was the last time I could look at her. It almost looked like she was sleeping, that she would wake up any moment but she wouldn't. She's gone and I have to accept that.

I place one last kiss on her forehead before saying: "I love you, Jane, and I'll never forget you."

I let go of her hand, even trying to remember how she feels. I open the door resisting the urge to look back one last time because if I do I won't be able to leave her side. This was my goodbye.

"I love you."