I Wish I Could Have
What's so wrong with the light?
Why it starts flickering everytime I look up at it?
Why I'm feeling like a Stone which is crushed beneath everyone's feet without being enthralled by anyone? Why do I keep looking at the walls around me and find it more amusing than looking at people?
Why I avoid eye-contact with everyone?
Am I being reminded of some sin I commited or some guilt that sticks with me for eternity?
How long will this suffering last? Forever?
How long I would be able to endure this?
Isn't there a way to stop the noose hanging from the wall which appears to calling me?
Why do I feel suffocated even with every breath that flows in-and-out of my body?
Why I feel like the whole sky is falling over me?
"Why you always look sad?" someone questioned me.
I replied ,"Do I? I mean I don't know. It's just the natural state of mine."
"And why is it like that?"
He further asked.
"Maybe it's something or like someone. Someone who gave me all she had. Someone who loved me from the moon and back. Someone who was always there on the door when I pushed everyone out of the room. Someone who did everything in her possesion to find that one little smile on my face. Someone whom I didn't have to tell that I'm upset because She'd know just by a look. Someone who slitted her wrist and bled to death just because I wasn't there for her in return. She was someone for whom I couldn't gather enough courage to accept her in front of everyone but She shout her love on any rooftop she could find. And when she felt dejected, felt kind of having a fall which would go on forever and she would never reach the ground, when she needed someone who would hold her and tell that ,"I'm there for you", I wasn't. And I could have stopped that. That's what kills me the most."
I replied and left without another word.
