Birds Of a Feather

3. First sight

"Another couple flights of stairs and I'll have finished" Eddie mumbled to himself: not that carrying things was too much for him, but he surely would have preferred that the elevator wasn't out of service, that's all.
"You should get used to it, man! That bunch of shit works once in a blue moon" was the polite explanation that Jeff gave when he heard him panting a bit.
<Easy for him to say: he's not the one who's going up and down with all these fuckin' boxes...>
Those were the last thoughts that Eddie made before the surfboard hit someone who was walking right behind him.
A small lament was the sign that that person had been knocked down; Eddie turned around right in time to watch the unlucky girl tumbling down the stairs and losing her glasses that – to finish the masterpiece – were shattered by Eddie's feet.
Needless to say, the guy was simply embarrassed: not only he had almost killed that girl, he had also destroyed her glasses while trying to help her...
<Fuckin' great way to begin your move, mr. Vedder!>
"Shit, I'm-I'm so sorry!" he stammered, trying to help her without causing any other catastrophes.
"Yeah, I can imagine" she sourly replied, still intent on finding her glasses.
"Errr, are you looking for your glasses? I just broke 'em" he added, putting them into her hands "I know, I'm a fuckin' idiot... But can I do something for you?"
"No, thanks: you've already done too much" she burst out and then sighed resigned.
"C'mon, I'm really sorry... Which floor do you live on?"
"Ehm, I was actually going to see a friend of mine... She lives on the fourth floor"
"Oh, really? I'm going there too... Allow me to accompany you, it's the least I can do"
"Yeah, I think that I should really accept your benevolent offert" she laughed, and Eddie smiled in relief.
The two chatted on the way to their destination: the girl was still a bit offended, but once in a while her laughter made Eddie feel better.
When they finally arrived to the fourth floor, Eddie found Jeff and a short girl standing there and trying to ignore each other.
When they noticed 'em, they both shouted at the same time "WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN?" and the disaster could finally start.
"Oh, fine: something tells me that this is your legendary flatmate, Ament!" the girl exclaimed, focusing her attention on Eddie "... Wait a minute: is that a surfboard?"
Eddie didn't see his roommate's lips – which were saying "don't fuckin' pay attention to her, just come in!" – and smiled slightly.
"Yeah, more or less"
"Like, for sure? A surfboard in Seattle in the middle of October??? Are you mentally ill??? I mean, I knew that you should have been a total idiot to join Ament in his fuckin' ridiculous flock of failed musicians, but I've never thought you would have been so stupid!"
Eddie blushed and quickly looked at Jeff – that now was lip-syncing something like "told ya" – then lowered his head.
"Now, Layla, could you explain me why the fuck did you take so much time to arrive?"
"It was all my fault" Eddie said again, while the girl's attention resumed to focus on him "I hit her with my surfboard by mistake and then I accidentally stepped on her glasses, so-"
Those words were sufficient to make World War III broke out: the girl immediately used them as a purpose for attacking Jeff.
"Did you hear what your dumbass friend said??? He had almost killed her!"
"... I said I didn't do it on purpose" Eddie tried again to justify himself, but a furious glance from her quickly made him shut up.
"As if it was a fact that concerns me..." replied Jeff, distractedly playing with his t-shirt's fabric.
"You know that it concerns you, idiot! You made him come here, and now you will make him go away! And maybe you can also join him and go to hell together, what do you think?" she finally gave him a fake smile, when an unexpected thud made all of them realize that Layla was bumping into every piece of furniture while trying to go into her friend's apartment.
"I hope that by the next time we will unfortunately run into each other, you'll have a new pair of glasses for her" the girl threatened Eddie and, after telling Jeff "Don't feel obliged to buy her something: just blow up, I'll be happy anyway", she accompanied Layla and disappeared with her behind the door.

♣♦♣

"It's a quite lovely neighbor you got here, huh?"
Jeff laughed at Eddie's words: he seemed a really shy guy but he could also be witty, and that was an important requirement if you wanted to be in the band.
"Yeah, 100% essence of shittiness: but you'll get used to it, I promise"
"Like the elevator?"
"Exactly, like that old piece of junk" he smiled, waiting near the front door "Anyway, I'm morally obliged to advise you that the two of us hate each other since 1985... don't ask me the reason behind it because I still have to understand it; one day she's fine and the next she just went fuckin' mad... Anyway, ever since that day she has always tried to ruin my life and she'll try to ruin your life too, I bet my balls, but you should ignore her or league with me and kick her ass... in a metaphorical way"
Eddie finally joined him at the threshold and, after gazing at him with puzzlement, he mumbled a "uhm, yeah, I'll think about it" that made Jeff smile.
"Ok, man, better go to our rehearsal"

♣♦♣

"C'mon, Sara, he seemed a nice guy..."
"Yeah, because every nice guy breaks your fuckin' glasses!"
"But I told you he didn't do it on purpose"
"That's what he told: I have a different theory about it!"
"That means...?" Layla asked her friend, plopping down on the couch.
"That means that Ament planned everything: he hired that Californian fucker and tried to kill one of us... maybe I was the target!"
"Oh, c'mon! You're overreacting"
"No, I'm not!"
"Yes, you are" Layla paused a little bit "But... How's the new guy?"
"What?"
"I said: how's the new guy? Is he handsome? I mean, he's got a wonderful voice, I wonder if-"
"NO, HE'S HORRIBLE! IF YOU HAD SEEN HIM, YOU WOULD HAVE WISHED TO BECOME INSTANTLY BLIND"
"... Really?"
"Yeah, I'm 100% sure about it!" Sara retorted "Anyway, I offer to you the opportunity to kick their asses sooo bad that they will regret the day they were born!"
"Can I refuse your gentle offering?"
"No."
"Well, then, it's a deal..." Layla sighed, while her friend eagerly hugged her.