CONFIDENCE + STYLES

nine

The feeling.

Everyone knows it. That feeling you get when you're reading a book or watching a movie, and a character makes a sexual comment or one of those scenes comes on. And while you're watching it you get butterflies and that tingle that travels all throughout your body. Yeah, you know the feeling.

And right now it was coming from him. After a small—and very handsy—make-out session the realization that his parents were gone set in. Just simply looking at him as he drove filled my head with enough images, only awakening my imagination and in turn, worsening my unsettled stomach. When I'm with him, I never give too much thought to our situation. It doesn't seem weird or rushed until I'm alone and deep into my thoughts.

Despite sounding cliché, if anyone would've told me before this project started that I'd be in this position with Harry I definitely would have thought they were crazy. Maybe it was my curiosity for him, or me simply being desperate for someone's touch but I've always looked down on people who rushed into things especially with strangers, yet here I was. He was like a whole new person from the kid I'd seen in my classes at the beginning of the year.

He rounded the corner of his street, opening and driving into his garage in one swift motion. After looking around to see if any neighbors were outside, his hand was placed on my back as he led me into the house. Harry mentioned a camera on a bookshelf that was only there while his parents were gone. He moved to pretend he was looking for something—blocking the camera in the process—while I snuck upstairs.

Passing the crosses and various religious decorations along the way seemed to burn a hole through me as I walked. It was as if each one was screaming at me to turn around and leave, and to maybe go to church while I'm at it. I was making Harry do things that on one hand I was sure he hadn't done before. But on the other hand, his comfortability with the whole situation had me wondering if this was his first time doing stuff like this. My own stupid assumptions led me to believe he hadn't been involved with anyone before, but he had this sort of...confidence about him when he dealt with me.

Once he joined me on the stairs we made our way to his bedroom. Despite what we came here for, he sat on the corner of his bed and I chose his desk chair. I didn't mind the silence nor was it awkward but I only allowed a minute of it to pass. Newly formed questions swam about in my mind that demanded answers. I was thrown off, however, by a question cast at me from Harry.

"Are you a virgin?" he asked with complete bluntness.

"Why?" don't get me wrong, I was but I've done plenty of other things.

"'Cause I would like to fuck your brains out at this very moment."

Oh shit. I didn't know this kid as well as I thought I did. Honestly, I didn't really know him at all.

"Um, I don't-uh," I cleared my throat as I thought of what to say.

Harry remained still, with his hands crossed and his elbows on his knees as he sat. "I apologize if that's too forward."

"No it's fine, it's- have you done this before?" Great way to kill the mood.

"What, had sex?"

"No this whole thing with us. I don't even know what it is. Friends with benefits, are we even friends?"

"Are we?" He retorted.

"This doesn't seem weird to you?"

"To answer your previous question, no I haven't done this before, but I'm not a virgin. I guess we could be friends, and no, it's not weird." He shrugged.