PROJECT NIRVANA | ONC2020 ✔️

Chapter 5.

I sat up in my bed and tried to ignore the searing pain that pierced through my skull. After a few painful minutes, it faded into a dull ache that burned my forehead, causing beads of sweat to form on my skin.

My fingers shakily traced the familiar material of my mattress and blanket. It seemed that after every strange event transpired, I became bedbound.

The door opened and my mother rushed to my side, placing a warm hand on my forehead. Her fruit scented perfume and gentle smile reminded me of laughter, tight hugs, and the sunny walks on the beach we had taken when I was young. When everything had been normal.

"You seem to be running a fever," she said. "I'll go get some medicine."

What I needed wasn't medicine, but an explanation about what had just happened. Visions of dark skies and violent brown sand spotted my mind, leaving me unable to piece together the last few moments before I had lost consciousness.

Colors swirled in my mind, taunting me, asking me about where I had last seen them. Did the shade of gray that flitted behind my eyes signify the exterior of a trophy? The edge of a sword? Whatever it was, I didn't know.

My mother handed me a small tablet and a glass of water. I lifted my head up, pushing myself up with my elbow.

"Where's Avron," I asked before popping the pill and downing the cool liquid. The last thing I remembered was losing him and then descending into endless darkness.

Her hand fell away from my face which she had been pressing with a cold towel. "Avron? Who's that?"

"What do you mean who's that?" I said, "He's my fiance." She was probably playing a joke on me.

"You have a fiance?" my mother asked, a mask of confusion clouding her features. "You've never told me about this before. I didn't know you were even dating anyone."

I pursed my lips together, attempting to not let my frustration show. "Mom, stop lying to me. You know Avron. He's the guy you and dad want me to marry."

"Why would we do that?" she asked incredulously. "You're only eighteen."

I opened my mouth to speak but no words came out. It wasn't even April Fool's Day, yet here I was getting fooled by my own mother. Unless...

What if reality had changed and things were finally falling back into their proper place? If I was no longer betrothed to Avron, then that meant my perfect world had returned. After all, my engagement to him was one of the factors that had generated my discomfort, sparking my suspicion about Nirvana.

A chill ran down my spine. My wish to not have to get married to Avron had been granted. But strangely, I felt uneasy. With him gone, my crazy notions would also disappear. I would need to start forgetting about them, burying their pieces in the loneliest part of my memory where they would disappear forever.

My mother squinted at me, her face laced with concern. "I think you need some more rest, honey. You're acting quite strange." She stroked my hair and paused for a second as if waiting for me to speak.

But I said nothing.

I could only think about Avron and how desperately I wanted to find him. I didn't want to forget. I didn't want to erase my strange notions. It would be like I was erasing him.

"Stay and relax in bed for the remainder of the day," my mother said. "You've been pretty stressed out lately. I need to tend the garden, but call me up if you need anything."

She left the room, throwing back a few worried glances before closing the door softly behind her.

I immediately reached over to my bedside table and picked up my phone to call Avron. That was when I realized that I didn't even have his number nor any of his social media. I didn't even know if he had social media.

Our dates had always been arranged by our parents, so there had never been a reason to contact each other. The fact that we'd possessed a mutual disinterest hadn't helped. I set it down with a sigh. What was I going to do now?

Had Avron permanently disappeared? The thought caused a deep pain to course through my chest. It suddenly felt too hard to breathe. No. I would find him. Then we would continue the investigation together, although I was already growing wary of what might happen next.

A knock sounded on my door and Kasey made her way inside. She held a tub of icecream in one hand and a box of chocolates in the other. "I heard you were sick," she said. "So I came over so you don't die in isolation."

"I'm not sick," I replied, burying my head in my pillow. "Just a little tired."

She flopped down on my couch and turned on the flatscreen T.V. "Then binge watching reality T.V.  might lift your spirits."

Kasey picked up the remote and flicked through the channels before settling on a show that I'd heard of but had never been interested in watching. Two girls screamed at each other, throwing hurtful words until one of them stormed out of the room in tears.

An annoying laugh track played in the background at odd intervals, alluding to the poor editing and arrangement of the scenes. Overall, it was the kind of show you watched when you were bored and there was nothing better to occupy your time with.

Although I wasn't a fan of reality T.V., I had to admit that the aimless drama had a way of taking your mind off things. It was always the situations of importance that weighed you down, leaving you dismal and downtrodden.

So, sometimes, it was okay to sit back and indulge in activities that didn't take too much energy, that didn't leave you overly drained. I think this is what people called 'guilty pleasures.' Except, at the end of this, I wouldn't feel guilty. Just refreshed.

We spent the rest of the afternoon gorging on sweets and staring at the blue screen until our eyes grew strained and tired. Before I knew it, I had fallen into a deep fitful sleep. It encompassed me like a smothering cage that blocked off any communication with the outside world.

I felt as if I were swimming in a never ending ocean before my body was dragged up to the rocky sea shore. A cotton-candy sky loomed above as if mourning my still form.

I dreamt of whispering shadows, black dust that coated the lungs, and the eerie white glow of a fluorescent light. The overpowering scent of chemicals penetrated my nostrils as I heard the click-clack of a keyboard off in the distance.

I vaguely wondered who was using the computer and what they were doing in my dreams.