PROJECT NIRVANA | ONC2020 ✔️

Chapter 17.

I ran out of the restaurant and found Avron standing at the front. He was leaning against the building, mindlessly kicking at rocks with his shoe.

He seemed to be deep in thought, making me wonder what those thoughts were. I wished that I could read his mind, but it might be scary to find out what was going on in there.

"Avron," I said, standing beside him.

"I think we need to break up," he said, looking off into the distance.

My stomach sunk, my heart starting to beat fast. "What do you mean?"

"I don't think I can handle this anymore. The guilt is just eating me up inside."

I felt a sudden pang. It broke my heart that this was how he was feeling. I wished that there was a way that I could stop this, that I could change his mind.

"But we can overcome it," I said. "We just need to work together."

"I like your positivity," said Avron, turning to face me. "But it's possible that our relationship has been doomed from the start."

I couldn't deny that his words stung. It felt as if he was slipping through my fingers and I was barely holding on. So this was how he felt about 'us'? That we were 'doomed from the start'? That there was no future for us? The look on Avron's face told me that he regretted how he had worded it. But he made no move to make any clarifications.

"Forget what Kasey said," I replied. "She was just assessing the situation as an outsider. If she knew that we were in a similar position, she wouldn't have said that."

"But what if Kasey's right?" Avron asked. "What if what we're doing is wrong?"

"How is it wrong?" I exclaimed. "We're just two individual people. Whatever our parents did to each other has nothing to do with us."

"I really want to agree with you," said Avron. "My heart wants to agree with you, but my brain is telling me no."

"Then just listen to your heart," I said, wincing slightly as I uttered that one cheesy line.

A faint smile appeared on Avron's lips. "That's easier said than done. I think I just need time."

"How much time?" I asked.

He shrugged. "I don't know."

He turned to face me. "I think you need time too, it's just that you're not willing to admit it to yourself."

Of course he was right. My words were the complete opposite of the thoughts swimming around in my head. When I had first heard the news, an alarm had gone off in my head, telling me to stop this now, to end the torment and the pain.

It wasn't that I was lying to myself, though. I was just trying to convince myself that I accepted the burdens that came with my love for him.

"It's just that, no matter how bad things are, I don't want it to end. It'll be easier for me to go through it, if I'm with you," I said.

"But it hurts more because I love you," said Avron. "I love you Felicity."

My heart thudded against my chest and I didn't know how to reply. What was the correct way to respond when someone told you that they loved you? Especially in this situation? I tried hard to find something to say, but nothing came to mind.

My thoughts were only occupied by those three words and Avron's eyes as he gazed at me with such emotion that I could feel myself beginning to blush.

Someone confessing their love to you was supposed to be a magical moment. It was supposed to make you feel warm inside. But when he said that, despite my red face, I just felt sad.

Sad that we would always remember the wrongdoings of our parents and wouldn't be able to break free. Sad that we would never be a normal couple. And sad that we would have to work twice as hard to protect our love. The kind of love that others took for granted.

It felt as if a large weight was being pressed against my chest, preventing me from breathing. I closed my eyes, trying to suppress the tears that threatened to flood out. My throat constricted and I buried my face in my hands, the moisture dampening my sleeves.

"I'm going to text Kasey that we're leaving," I said.