Procrastinators on Stage (Chris Kendall/crabstickz fanfic) *unedited*

Part 35- I Don't Like Having Doubts

The black cavern of the theatre seating stretched out before me like I was standing at the edge of a void which carried off into the far distance of eternity. This darkness continued on my left and right where the lights had been shut off in the wings to let the dancers practice their craft without distractions. I felt like if I leant just a touch in the wrong direction and lost my footing in the shadows then I'd tumble off into the darkness, to be lost in that suffocating blank space.

This wary sense of balance hardly helped me to remain on me feet as I continued to learn another dance from the show through observing the rest of the Wicked dancers in their practice session. This evening they'd made me stand to the central front of their group after I'd learned the basics of their routine, which was strange of them seeing as I really should have been put at the back so that I wouldn't be in their way, especially as I wasn't going to be dancing in the real thing, and all.

We were dancing to the song 'Dancing Through Life' and playing our dances off the main cast, including Liss and Carrie in their stand in roles. For this song we were all supposed to spin and dance according to how the main cast acted, seeing as we were simply backing dancers and weren't meant to be noticed. I was given a book prop which I had to incorporate into my dancing as I was instructed and that only made me feel like Belle at the beginning of 'Beauty and The Beast' when she's walking through her home town whilst she read.

I thrived off being lost in the music and carrying out those rhythmic moves where I would blend with the rest of the dances to create an increasingly flawless routine. It almost upset me to think that I hadn't tried out to just be in the group of dancers when I'd failed to be Elphaba. Dancing like this may have cheered me a little when I'd needed cheering most.

I raised my arms above my head and followed the motion through with my body, succumbing to the music until I was abruptly stopped when the notes petered out in the theatre air. Working like this filled me with an overwhelming love for the theatre and stage whilst reminding me just how fantastic the shows would be when they were ready to perform to a full audience. It was beautiful.

Breathless, a little sweaty, and very content, I went backstage to get my water bottle from my bag and take a drink. The water I drank seemed to massage my dry tongue and throat, soothing me after my workout. The hunger which had steadily grown in my stomach over the past few hours begged me for food, so I hastily ate a cereal bar that I'd stored in my bag for such sustenance, the oats and honey combination making my mouth feel sweet and tacky.

Upon glancing at my phone clock, I found that it was almost six thirty pm, justifying my hunger. My plan was to remain at the theatre until at least eight, and my time until then would likely be filled with singing practice with Liss. Up until that point, I'd have to wait for the rehearsals to finish at seven o'clock or so. Luckily for me, this gave me the perfect opportunity to enjoy the work the amazing actors and actresses were doing on stage from my hiding place, which wasn't a difficult thing to do.

In watching these people I was reminded that since handing out the drinks this morning, I'd found that the majority of the people at the theatre had formed some entertaining gossip and rumours about me, which even I hadn't known about myself. These twisted and bizarre tales were apparently true about me but I honestly just found them to be extremes which verged on the edge of sanity, such as how I was apparently willing to go on a killing spree just to get the Elphaba role or how I was out to steal Liss' job in general. That wasn't even scratching the surface of the crazier accusations of how I was apparently a part of a secret stage corporation which did undercover talent scouting.

This was the sort of thing which these people came up with upon finding out and seeing that Liss was spending more time in the theatre purely to help me. I had to hope that these rumours didn't reach Tony or Mary-Anne and they'd want me removed from the theatre because of it. If that happened, my already unstable heart would take another deadly knock.