Love You to Death

Love You to Death Chapter 6

 The few days after my first encounter with Peter, I didn't hear word from him. We never exchanged phone numbers or anything like that, but the man knew where I lived. I was very eager to see him again. I knew though that he had to spend time with his band and finish producing the album, Bloody Kisses. I actually missed Peter a little. Every time I thought of him, my heart rate picked up. My senses came alive. I have never felt this feeling before. The kiss he gave me outside on Friday night still left me warm and tingly inside. It was all exciting and new to me. And to think I didn't want a relationship with the man...ha! That was the biggest joke my mind could ever play on me.

I was only here to run an experiment and now I was developing feelings for a man that was part of history, dead in my time. The thing about this situation though was that his band was set to release Bloody Kisses in August. That was only four months away. What normally comes with a new album being released? A tour. And you know what happens to bands that go on tour? Pretty women throw themselves at the band members. Peter and I were nothing at this point. What's going to stop him from screwing all of these pretty women? I didn't think myself to be beautiful, compared to some of the Type O groupies. I didn't even feel like I had a chance with him. I sighed.

It was a shitty Wednesday in Red Hook. It was pouring outside and I wanted to curl up on the couch in my pajamas all day with a good book and a movie later on. I thought about making a nice dinner for myself, leftovers to last me the whole week. I put my hair in a messy bun. I brushed my teeth and looked at myself in the mirror. If Peter saw something in me, what did he even see? I thought of myself as ordinary looking. Nothing more, nothing less. The only thing I had going for me was my butt and my boobs. That was painfully apparent on Friday with the random groping man at the bar. I shook that thought away. I walked downstairs in just a sports bra and shorty shorts. I didn't feel any urge to go out in the shitty weather anyway. I opened up the blinds, letting whatever dismal light in. The streets were empty, save for a few cars parked alongside the curbs.I went over to the bookshelf and grabbed a book. I had never been a fan of romance novels until recently. I picked Lolita because I had read it before and I loved the plot. I grabbed a blanket and snuggled up to some pillows on the couch. It was funny because I noticed that Peter's scent lingered on the cushions I was up against. I smacked myself on the forehead.

"Girl, get a damn grip on yourself!"

I opened up the book and tried to read.

Lolita, light of my life, fire of my loins. My sin, my soul. Lo-lee-ta: the tip of the tongue taking a trip of three steps down the palate to tap, at three, on the teeth. Lo. Lee. Ta. She was Lo, plain Lo, in the morning, standing four feet ten in one sock. She was Lola in slacks. She was Dolly at school. She was Dolores on the dotted line. But in my arms she was always Lolita.

That part of the book always got to me for some reason. The main character, Humbert, knew he wasn't supposed to love Lolita, but he did. He was obsessed with her. A part of me wished someone was obsessed with me as much as Humbert was obsessed about Lolita. It had always been hard for me to find someone that cared for me, let alone wanted to devote their time romantically with me. My line of work didn't allow for much personal time alone with a potential significant other. I craved love and affection just as much as the next person. But I was 24, never had a consistent boyfriend, let alone time to date anyone. I felt like I was running out of time. I was Rose to everyone else around me, standing 5'2" in chucks. At school I was always Miss Ivanov. I was Rosemary on the dotted line. But in someone's arms, I yearned to be their Rosie.

I read my book, crying towards the end of it. The ending always got to me. I put the book down, wiping away stray tears. I got up and got my tablet out of a drawer in one of the side tables near the couch. I loved how I still had access to the Internet. Government technology blew my freaking mind. I got on Netflix and watched my all time favorite movie, The Silence of the Lambs. I always loved that movie because of the fact that again, there was some sexual undertone to it, let alone mystery. There was obviously some type of attraction between Clarice and Dr. Lecter.