honey » david dobrik au

twenty seven

I was pretty much numb by the time I got home. I couldn't even find it in me to cry, because Ben was completely right. All David wanted was to have me so he could hold me over Ben's head. He never really cared, and if he did, he sure had a funny way of showing it.

I was thankful that Mom and Dad were gone on a football coaches and wives' outing. Ben left me alone as soon as we got in the house, not in the mood to talk to me. I understood. I had done a bad thing.

I sat on the couch alone in the living room for a good two hours before he came downstairs to answer the door. It was Liza. I could feel their stares on the back of my head.

"Hey, Honey... whatcha doin'?" Ben's voice sounded too concerned.

"Watching TV," I replied, completely monotone.

"The TV's not on..."

"Yeah," I nodded to myself. "I'm just imagining it. This is a good episode."

"Are you okay?" Liza asked, approaching the couch and sitting next to me. Her hand found my knee, and I stared at it like it was a foreign object until she took it off.

"I'm fine. I'm beyond fine. I'm finer than fine," I shrugged, having no energy to cry or even move. "I'm just gonna sit here and watch TV."

"You're making me nervous, Honey," Ben chimed in, filling in the space next to Liza. "I'm waiting for the bubble to burst. It's not going to be good."

"There is no bubble to burst. I'm fine, Ben. Everything's fine. I'm just going to sit here for a little bit, and then I'm going to bed," I told him, but my cracking voice and shaky hands were telling a completely different story.

I could see Liza's eyes bugging out at Ben, silently telling him this was a real shit show, but there was nothing they could do. I couldn't make myself cry, not even about Ester. I did that one to myself; I hurt her myself. I couldn't cry about it. I couldn't cry about David if he didn't care, so what was the point of crying at all?

All I could do was stare at the TV and force my brain to be as blank as the screen.

"Will you come upstairs if you need us?" Ben asked when he realized he wasn't getting anywhere with me.

"Sure," I nodded with no hesitation, knowing I wouldn't. "Goodnight."

They were definitely hesitant to leave me, but they eventually did. I sat there for another thirty minutes or so, then transferred to my bed to stare at the wall before my parents got home.

I didn't sleep any, and I convinced my mom the next morning that I was sick and couldn't go to school. Ben was gone the entirety of that Friday, and I convinced Mom and Dad that I wasn't sick enough for them to cancel their date weekend, so I ended up with the house to myself.

Lots of settings for a pity party. I chose the kitchen floor, with a half gallon of Neapolitan ice cream in my lap and my head leaned back carelessly against the counter.

Ester hadn't even tried to text me. I didn't want to text her. I knew she didn't want to talk to me, and I didn't want to make life harder on her. It was easier for both of us if I just stayed away.

I browsed the internet while I sat and ended up spending over half of my Christmas money online shopping. Among the highlights of my Amazon cart were a forty eight pack of colorful pens so I could start journaling, two new phone cases, season three of Spongebob on DVD, and a DVD player so I could actually watch it. I'd call that a good haul.

I slept for a lot of the day, but didn't cry once. It wasn't right to cry. David fucked me over, which was partially my fault, and Ester being mad at me was one hundred percent on me. What was there to cry about? Nothing. I didn't need to cry. I was fine. I just had to move on with my life. Simple as that.