Torn // Poe Dameron

5. Stars

My eyes flutter open and the bright light blinds me. Even if I close them again, the white rays pierces through my eyelids. It takes a while for me to adjust to the overly bright light but it doesn't take long for me to realise that I'm not in my room.

Just like almost every single room on the first order ship, the walls are grey and most of the furniture is either black or white. But this is not my bed. It's a hospital bed.

With a quick motion I sit up and swing my legs off the bed. A piercing pain shoots through my body and I stop moving, my face contorting uncontrollably. After I calm down again and breath the pain away, I slowly and cautiously pull the hospital gown up, in order to look at my throbbing leg, only to see a bandage wrapped around most of my thigh.

The door slides open with the familiar whoosh but I'm not in the mood for visitations now.
"Get out" I growl without looking away from the bandage on my left thigh.
"But-" a fearful whisper sounds in my ears.

My head shoots up, since the person didn't leave the room, looking at a female doctor. She stands in the door frame, her eyebrows pulled up, giving away her anxiety.
"Get out!" I scream, squinting my eyes in anger. I don't want company now. I don't need a check up or a doctor telling me what to do. I just need to get out of the infirmary and to my own room.

I would have to deal with Snoke sooner or later. Listening to his reproachful and disappointed words. I failed the mission, and it was an easy one, just because of those strange feelings. I never failed a mission but always executed them flawlessly. It is not like me to get distracted.

My hands resting on my sides on the bed, I push myself away, landing on my feet. A sharp jolt of pain shoots up my leg and spreads through my entire body. I grit my teeth and stagger over to the door.

How will I explain my failure to the Supreme leader? He can't know of the callings of my name, the recurring dreams and the resulting feelings that I push away during the day.

With a quick look to my right and left, I secure that no one is in the hallway. A bit too slow for my liking I turn right and walk down the corridor. It's quite a long way to my room but that is not important. Every few steps I have to support myself, leaning my hand against the wall.

Despite my current weakness I will soon be able to follow my usual schedule. If I can just make it to my own room, I can rest a bit, take a few painkillers and will be restored in only a few days. I can go back to training with Kylo and-
A tight grip on my biceps causes me to turn around.
"What are you doing?" The deep, metallic voice sounds from Kylo Rens mask.

My physical weakness clearly impacts my mental force, for I wasn't able to sense his presence.

"I'm going to my room" I state, completely turning around to face him. He releases his grip.
"No" the contorted voice demands, he turns around and walks back to the hospital room.

There is no point in putting up a fight. I am too weak and if Kylo wants something to happen, he will make it happen. I drag myself back the couple of meters I was able to escape before being caught.

Back in the room, I fall down on the bed, just this little activity has drained me of most of my energy.

Kylo has taken off his mask and set it on the small dresser, now sitting on a chair to the left side of the bed.
He never wears his mask when it's just the two of us, not even during training. I guess he doesn't feel the necessity to command respect because we are at eye level, or he simply feels somewhat comfortable.

I feel his dark eyes staring at me, while mine focus on the door, evading eye contact.

"Care to elaborate?" His natural, deep voice hits my ear with a certain tone of sharpness. I keep quiet.
"Izora, look at me" he demands a bit softer.

I inhale, exhale and turn my head to meet his eyes.
"What happened yesterday?"
"I was shot" I state blankly, I know that is not what he wants to hear.

"Why? Why were you reckless? You are never distracted. What is with you?" His eyebrows knit into a frown, trying to understand what happened, trying to understand me.

"I don't know" I clench my jaw but don't look away.
"Don't lie to me" I sense a small amount of annoyance and frustration in his voice.

For a moment I keep silent. I just want to push the topic to the back of my mind, like I always do. Slowly, I feel his force fingers trying to enter my mind and snoop around my thoughts. I build a wall and quickly blank my mind, shutting him out. But I realise there is no point in lying to him, after all he is the person I trust the most.

"I feel something calling me" I give in.
"I sensed it" he admits, confirming my theory.
"That's why I go to the window. That's why I have strange dreams. I try to shut those feelings down but I can't" once again I feel anger boiling up inside of me at my powerlessness.
It's embarrassing how weak my psyche is.

"On Chandrila, it was clearer than ever before. I heard someone call out my name. Instead of focusing on our mission, I searched for the voice. Everything faded away, like I was in a bubble."
As I tell the story I realise how stupid it sounds, how weak. That's not how we act on the dark side. Someone as powerful as myself should not get distracted this easily. I promise myself that it won't happen again.

"Did this happen before? Did you hear the 'voice' before?" Kylo now paces around the room, hands behind his back. He looks serious, really brooding about the situation, while I just want to push it aside.
"No, but I will have to tell Snoke"
"No. Don't. Just wait a bit" he stops and looks at me as if he was trying to say I will handle it.

With big steps he walks towards the grey door but turns to look at me before he exits.
"Tell me if you feel it again, only me."
I nod. He leaves.