I built this Home for me, for you

Chapter 19

They were a week into the New Year, and in some ways things had been better, but in others, it was almost unbearable. The girls were still off for a few days, so they'd spent them together as a family, usually just the four of them, but sometimes with Rosé, Jisoo and Doyeon, or Chaerin – Yuri had gone back to Midvale two days after the new year to be with her patients – and it had been great. Even Seolhyun was less brooding than normal as they went bowling, or to the cinema and the arcade, out for pizza and ice skating, and whatever else the girls wanted to do. It was fun, and it eased some of Jennie's stress and pain to laugh as Ryujin tripped on the ice and dragged Lisa down with her, or when Seolhyun's bowling was so pitiful that she had to have the bumpers up to stop getting gutterballs. It made her feel closer to them, and she felt some relief at the fact that no one was slipping away from her. It didn't matter that her little girls were growing up, because they were still there, bickering over who got the last slice of pie or got to pick the next movie. Lisa still hadn't told them, and Jennie didn't broach the topic, knowing that Lisa wasn't ready yet, which was okay. She was still in therapy, which the girls didn't know about yet, and some of the tension seemed to fade as she followed through with her promise to be more open in the New Year.

Jennie tried to be more open for her sake too, but one week in and she was struggling. In the moments where they weren't having fun as a family, and the girls went back to school, she was cooped up at home, with just her and her mom, and it was surprising how suffocating a mansion could be. She took up jogging instead, taking Orsa for runs every day while her lungs burned and muscles ached, but the cold air hit her like a slap in the face, bringing her back to the reality of the situation. It was the only time she had alone to evaluate things, and it was surprisingly helpful to be outside, with the sharp coldness helping to clear her head. It didn't stop her from snapping at Chaerin all the time though, regressing back into the patterns that she'd followed as a teenager. Every comment from her mom was met with a snarky answer, a biting tone, or her own words, unnecessarily harsh, and Chaerin didn't take it from Jennie, giving is straight back to her. It was like being a kid again, and Jennie regretted asking her mom to come and live with them with every argument they had, and she knew that this all fell on her. She and Chaerin had rarely fought over the last twenty years – not seriously – and they wouldn't have fought so much now, if Jennie wasn't in such a bad mood all the time. She couldn't help herself though, because it stemmed from the overwhelming feeling of panic whenever she looked at her mom, feeling like she was on the verge of tears at any given moment, and when they weren't fighting, Jennie couldn't help but pull away from her mom. It was self-preservation, she told herself, a way for it to not hurt as much if she put distance between them both, like they used to have. It didn't work.

As Saturday rolled around, her mood worsened slightly, but there was a spark of hopefulness as she knocked on Seolhyun's bedroom door at six thirty, opening it slightly and poking her head in. "Hyun, wake up, sweetie," Jennie said, her voice carrying slightly as her volume rose. She should've known that wouldn't work, and her daughter slept on, oblivious to the fact that Jennie was standing there.

Creeping further inside, she walked over to the bed, trying not to trip over anything in the dark, as the light from the hallway cut a narrow beam of light across the bedroom floor. Reaching out, Jennie gently shook her daughter's shoulder, staring down at the peaceful childish face and the long dark hair spilling around it on the pillows, but Seolhyun didn't do anything except make a sound of protest. Smiling slightly to herself, Jennie shook her a little more roughly, until eyelids slowly fluttered open, and a frown graced Seolhyun's face as she took in the darkness. "What time is it?" she grumbled, rolling over and burrowing deeper under the blankets.

"Six thirty," Jennie quietly replied, reaching out to stroke her hair, "you've got your first day of cadets. You have to be there at eight, remember."