The Alpha's Broken Runt

Chapter Thirty-One

~Opening~

~Theodore~

~~~~~There's something about her eyes. I'm not sure what it is, but I can tell something is off. I wish she would talk to me about whatever is on her mind, but I understand why she hasn't. I haven't exactly been the best mate. I've seen worse. I ignore Stephan, turning my head to look at Eleanor. She's staring up at the sky, her eyes dancing across the clouds. I wish I could tell her how beautiful she looks, but I can't, not until she's comfortable with me. "Have you ever just... appreciated the sky?" She asks softly, so I turn my head to stare upwards.
The sky is turning a pink and orange color now, with purples and some blue mixed in. "It's something special about the way the colors mix and swirl together. No one can really capture that with photographs or artwork. It's uniquely its own, and there's something about that that I love." Her voice is soft, quiet enough that it almost seems like she's talking to herself, but I can tell that she isn't.
"It is beautiful... I don't get to appreciate it all that often."
"Maybe you should give some more time for it. It's good for the soul... You don't really realize that until you can't see it anymore..." I turn back to look at her now, finding her still looking upwards, but her eyes are closed now, and a slight grimace is evident on her lips.
"You're right, I should give more time..." A breeze comes through, and Eleanor shivers slightly under its touch. "Are you cold?" I question, sitting up. She doesn't answer for a moment, laying silently with her eyes still closed. "A little," She says, slowly sitting up, knocking some of the loose leaves out of her hair as she does so.
"Do you want to go inside?" She shakes her head. "Not really." I nod before beginning to pull my sweatshirt off. "Wait!" She says, putting her hands up and closing her eyes. "I have a shirt on underneath, Eleanor." I say, pulling the sweatshirt over my head. She peeks around her hands before dropping them as I hand her the jacket.
"I don't want to take your jacket..." She mumbles, looking down. "Why?" I drop my hand into my lap. "What if you get cold?" I shake my head with a smile, not missing her shiver as another breeze comes through. "I don't get cold easily, Eleanor. Natural body heat." She sighs. "Right. I'm an idiot." I shake my head, holding the jacket out to her. "You're fine, Eleanor." She hesitates for a moment, just looking at the sweatshirt, before she delicately takes it from my hand. "Thank you..." She says before slowly pulling the jacket over her head. It engulfs her small frame entirely, even though it was the right fit for mine. Sometimes I forget just how small she is, then she puts on something of mine, and I see just how drastic our size difference is.
We sit in silence for a little bit. Eleanor keeps her head down as she messes with the end of the sleeves. "Hey Theodore...?" I choke a little bit hearing her say my name, her voice still soft and so quiet you can barely hear it. "Yes?" She looks back up to the sky, which is slowly turning into deep blues as the stars begin to show through. "Do you remember the waterfall place?"
I do, I remember following Eleanor when she ran out into the woods, I remember her going into the water, and I remember her coming out unable to breathe. "Yes, why?" She thinks for a moment, contemplating. "Could we go there? I- I know it's kind of late to be going anywhere... but... I just thought it might be nice... we don't have to..." I nod my head. "Of course. It's not that late to be going." She looks up from her hands, a slight smile gracing her lips as excitement fills her eyes. "Really?" I nod and she quickly begins standing up, so I follow her. The excitement in her eyes took away what was there before, the emotion that I couldn't quite place, but that I know isn't good.
"How do we get there?"

~Eleanor~

~~~~~The clearing isn't far from the pack house, and is still as beautiful as it was that night. "Do you want to go to the top?" I look away from the water and towards Theodore, nodding my head quickly in response.
I can tell Theodore doesn't want me to go anywhere close to the edge, even if I want to look down. The river extends deep into the woods, but right near the waterfall it's clear of any trees. I wonder if that was nature's choice or Theodore's.
I hug Theodore's jacket close to me as I lay down on the ground, listening to the calming sound of the waterfall. I try to ignore the fact that the jacket is covered in Theodore's scent, and even more so the calming affect it has on Ashley... and me.
"Eleanor?" I open my eyes to look at Theodore, who was sitting next to me, leaving a big enough space between us that I'm comfortable. "I... I know I already asked... but are you sure you're okay? I... I can see it in your eyes... Something is on your mind. But... I understand if it is just because you don't want to open up to me..."
It's not that I don't want to open up to him... I'm just terrified of opening up to anyone... Of him thinking differently of me when I'm just now starting to get used to this. Of him getting fed up with me, with how I think. Of him getting fed up with the things I think about myself. With everything that circles in my head constantly.
"Eleanor?" I realize I've been sitting quiet and quickly clear my throat. "I'm just... scared..." He cocks his head and I quickly look away from him as I sit up. "Scared? Of what?" I sigh, messing with the end of the sleeves of his jacket. "Of how you'll think of me once you know what my mind is like."
Theodore moves closer to me then, slowly reaching his hand out to delicately grab mine, silently asking for permission to touch me.
"Your past can never change the way I think of you. I love the person you are, and you wouldn't be that person without what happened, no matter how bad it was. Whatever is going on inside your head... You have every right to it. I will never judge you for your past or the bad things happening in your head."
I hesitate, taking in his words. I can feel my throat tightening as I take a deep breath, willing my tears to not pour. "I want to die, Theodore..." His whole body stiffens next to mine. "And I am so sorry for that... but... I really do. I- I keep thinking about it... and I don't know what to do. I want to be better... I do, but I can't help how I feel. I feel so worthless at everything. I could never be good enough for you, in any way..." I look down at my hand in his, then to his other hand, which is in a fist by his side.
I cringe slightly at the sight, closing my eyes a taking a deep breath before continuing.
"I'm not attractive, I hate my body. I could never be a good Luna for you or your pack, I don't know the first thing about being in an actual pack, I never got to learn how a pack worked, I never had the chance... I want to be enough for you... I want you to have a good mate... someone who is attractive and tall, someone who is confident in themselves and has the ability to be a good leader, someone who doesn't think about the best way to day every night. Someone who can sleep and doesn't have to distract themselves every night so they don't-" I cut off, avoiding Theodore's stare, looking out towards the woods instead. I've started crying, I started almost as soon as the first word left my mouth.
"So they don't what, Eleanor?"
I sigh. "Your mate should be confident in revealing clothing, she shouldn't be terrified someone will notice the scars that litter her body..."
He shakes his head. "Eleanor, you don't need to be self-cautious over what he did to you-" I cut him off. "Not the one's he gave me." I pull the sleeves of his sweatshirt further down, shifting uncomfortably under his eyes. "Do... you still?" I grimace, and that's enough of an answer for him.
He places a gentle finger on my chin and lifts it so I'm looking at him.
"You don't need to be self-cautious of those, either. They're apart of you, they aren't something to be ashamed of."
"Eleanor, you are beautiful, you are perfect to me in every way, I couldn't have asked for a better mate if I tried. You mean everything to me, Eleanor, and nothing could ever change that." He takes a deep breath. "I need you to talk to me when you feel like this, okay? I want it to stop, I don't want you to gain any more scars... wake me up if you need to, come to me at any time, I will always be here for you, Eleanor, no matter what happens."
I glance at him quickly.
"You may not believe me, I know that, but I would never lie to you, especially not about this. You are my whole world, I couldn't live without you. If you were to... if you were to die... I don't know what I would do."
I remember my mother then, my mother, oh so loving, who didn't care if she died or not when she saw my father's lifeless body. My mother, who had no thought other than my father's dead body as she ran at Johnson, giving her life and being uncaring of that fact.
I remember then the sound of Johnson snickering as he walked to my cell, laughing over my mother's reckless actions after the death of my father. The way he joked about their lives as if they were nothing, as if they weren't people with lives and families. As if he didn't kill everyone in my pack without a care in the world.
My breathing is beginning to pick up as I look up at Theodore, who has a panicked look in his eyes. "I'm sorry, did I say something triggering? I'm really sorry Eleanor! Just... just take deep breaths?" I close my eyes for a moment, trying to calm my panicked breathing and loud mind as I take a deep breath.
I open my eyes again to see Theodore still looking at me.
I see the genuine fear and care in his eyes, I can see him fighting to not touch me any more than he already is, to not do what his body is telling him to. I see the pain in his face and know, for a fact, that in this moment, I can trust Theodore with anything, and he wouldn't let me down.
I shift so I'm sitting on my legs and facing Theodore more directly. I take a deep breath before lifting my hand, placing it on his neck and pulling him closer to me, leaning forward slightly so I meet him halfway. Theodore stays frozen for a few seconds before his hand hesitantly wraps around my waist as he kisses me back. 

~~~~~~~~~~~

*Cough*
*Sneeze*

Yeah so uh... nothing major happening... nothing at all. 

How's quarantine?

And how are you after this chapter? Because I felt some stuff and I'm the one who WROTE it. So, yeah. 

Love you guys XD And be safe out there!

Bye my loves!

Word Count
1993!

                      Healing takes time, it may not seem like you're growing, but your growth will show when you least expect it.