nightfall || minsung

Chapter 22

Minho was a diligent driver — maybe too diligent. He wasn't made for routes that strayed from main roads and highways. It was funny to watch him get increasingly more befuddled and pissed off as he inched into gaps in the trees.

"The clearing is through the woods," I said. "We'll run — if that's okay with you?" His truck wouldn't make it through, that was for sure.

"That's fine." He parked against the forest edge.

I hopped out, ran to his side and knelt on the grass. He wrapped his arms around my neck, smiling into my shoulder like we were doing this for fun. I took off, weaved through the trees and came to a stop closer to the field.

"It's over," I said when he didn't stir.

"I like hugging you like this. I don't wanna stop." He pursed his lips against the nape of my neck, nuzzled into my shoulder.

I spun around, caught him and pulled him close. It took him a second to notice what I'd done, and then he flinched back, lips quirking up.

"Don't stop." I kissed him, kept his lip between mine and tugged.

He kissed me back, tangled his perfect fingers in my hair. I darted up to a hemlock, pushed him against it.

But he parted his lips, and his lovely taste burned down my throat. In an instant I was overtaken. He was caught, wasn't he? His neck, the flow of hot blood, was just a few inches away, a tilt and a bite from being mine...

So I dropped him. I tried to break his fall but I couldn't risk touching him for a moment longer. I sprinted away, fell to my knees, dug my fingers into the soil, gasped the clean air. Venom was dripping from my mouth. The hatred and disgust were just catching up to me, the full weight of shame. I'd come so close to hurting him. Hurting the love of my life. How could I be such a monster?

I found my feet slowly, turned back to him. He was sitting crosslegged at the base of the hemlock, staring at me, not amused. I approached carefully, afraid that I'd lost any control I'd ever actually had.

I sat in front of him, a safe distance. "Are you all right?" I'd dropped him like a rag doll. My poor love.

"My butt hurts."

His poor butt. "Is your butt okay?"

"I guess so."

"I won't say I'm sorry, I know you don't want to hear it. But I need you to know how much I hate myself for having to do that to you."

His eyebrows knitted together. "Don't say that, either."

How was I supposed to grovel when I couldn't say I hated myself or whinge or apologize? How else could I atone for my mistakes, for the colossal burden I was on everyone I cared about?

"Look," he said, "it's whatever — I understand."

"What can I do to make it better?"

"I don't know. I just — I just want you. So stay with me, and try to stay with me, and I'll try to keep my mouth closed. Okay?"

I nodded, feebly. "Are... we... okay?"

"Of course we are."

"You know I want to be close like that, right?"

He smirked. "Oh, I know."

I crumpled into a ball. He laughed at me.

~ * ~

We eventually made it to the field. It was a large lopsided circle, framed by trees and mountains. I could feel the rain in the air, but it would stay dry in the clearing. Felix was never wrong about these kind of things.