nightfall || minsung

Chapter 24

Minho was good at feeling pain. I knew what he was going through, exactly what he was feeling, and he was doing so goddamn well. I hadn't stopped screaming as I changed — four days of fire, and I couldn't shut up for a second of it. Jeongin had frozen, his face a look of pure terror, and hadn't moved for the rest of his sentence. Seungmin had done nothing but thrash — kick and punch the air around him, cuffing each of us at least once when we had tried to hold him steady.

Minho just wanted to be small. He curled into a fetal position on the couch, arms hard against his chest, legs drawn and folded. He kept his head down, shaking, whimpering, twitching — as if every second he was on the edge of exploding. He welcomed any touch or comfort. I held his hand, only let go to wipe the tears from his face.

I never once left him. There was something more unbearable than the pain of thirst. Sometimes blood would seep from his throat, his slow-healing wounds, where James' teeth had ripped into his beautiful skin. Even then, I stayed. Leaving him was impossible.

~ * ~

"Waking up as a vampire for me was... like waking up in the middle of a hurricane." I spoke over Minho's whimpering, running my hand through his hair. "Once the shock wore off, once I could think again, I was left to sift through whatever I could remember from my human life. What came back to me...

"I didn't like it. I avoided it. And I lost it. Now I can't bring back the memory of my home, the weeks leading up to my death, my own mother's face. I wonder sometimes what my last words to her were. That's one thing I regret. Not knowing whether our last words were meaningful — an honest 'I love you,' or something... else.

"I'm happy you have that. Goodbyes. That you'll remember the ones you love, that, if you don't want to, I can remember for you. You'll remember your friends, happy and drunk. You'll remember your father, sending you off with a wave, totally accepting of you. I can't speak for your mother... I suppose the world is different now. Your last email is still out there in the ether. We'll find it somehow. Even Helen from the diner got a goodbye hug."

I let out a little breath, not a laugh but close enough.

"You promised me you'd never sleep again. You said you'd stick to your word, and you... you will, I guess." I shook the thought out of my head. "Let's talk about something else. Do you want me to keep talking, my love?"

He cried through his clenched teeth. Whether it was a yes or a no, I couldn't tell. Nothing I said had an effect on him — he kept writhing, kept hurting, no matter what I said. I ached to hear his voice, bright and bubbly and untroubled.

"Um. All right. You've already heard all our stories — let's just work through a decade. How about the seventies? Seventy-one was a hard year for me. I dunno exactly what caused it. It just was. Sometimes we're sad for no reason, hm? Sadness is... necessary. Even so, thinking about you being sad, it-it makes me panicky. I'm trying not to think about how sad you must be right now...

"When you wake up... my love, my entire world, if you decide to stay with us, I will make you happy. I've screwed it up, I've gone at it wrong so many times. But now, seeing you like this... I think my life has meant nothing, been for nothing, but to make you happy."

~ * ~

Footsteps came up the stairs and stalled at the door. Chan. I waved him in without looking.

He sank down crosslegged next to me. Holding up okay?

"Guess so."

Good. He didn't bother to segue into it. You tend to get really worked up about things, Jisung.