7 days in limbo [Billie Eilish]

DAY I.4: watch the light

Shit. Shit. Shit.

I crouched down in front of Billie. "That's.... um, first we can turn off the flashlight. It's going to last longer that way."

Her nostrils flared. "But then it's dark."

"Ok." I jumped up and began to rake through my backpack for anything that could be used as a tool. I felt panic pool in the pit of my stomach.
"Hank, your name is Hank right? Can you maybe help me reach the celling? I need to fix the light."

"Yes," he nodded, eager to help.

There. I had found the Leatherman in had stored away in a small pocked for emergencies. I opened the multi-tool and looked for the screwdriver.

"Can you, like, relax?" Billie let out a strained cough. Her voice was hoarse afterwards. "You're stressing me out."

Her breaths came even shallower than before and I had no idea how to deal with it. All I knew was that she was making me truly afraid right now.

What do you even do if someone has an asthma attack?
I remembered how my asthmatic friend had told me once, while on a cross country run, I should puncture her windpipe with a stick in case she had an attack and got into respiratory arrest.
Not helpful, I thought. That doesn't sound like the best of advice. Also we're in a lift; it's not like there are sticks around.

I sat down in front of Billie again, mostly to calm myself down.

"Um..." I searched my brain for anything that could help. "Can you scoot back a bit? Put your back against the wall and try to sit upright."

She leaned back and I helped to push her shoulders against the wall so her back was straight. She had closed her eyes again. The inhales were flat, the exhales too short.
Her right hand was holding on to her left forearm, nails digging in, and I covered it gently to loosen the grip.

"Ok, now look at me." Her eyes opened. "We're just going to breath."

I took a demonstrative long intake of breath through my nose before blowing the air out through my mouth. Billie held up four fingers and then six. Her voice was gone at this point but I understood. "Good. I'm going to count. Four in and six out. Breath into your stomach."

It was obvious that she had much more experience with a situation like this than me. She was almost calmer than I was.

I began to count, "One, two, three, four and... exhale. One, two, three, four, five, six."

I breathed with her, empathized each intake of air with my body. At one point I took her hand and placed her open palm against my chest so that she could feel the rise and fall of my lungs through the fabric of my hoddie.
Her eyes were wide in the dim light of her phone, looking back and forth between mine. Searching.

Somehow it got better.

"Do you want me to call someone?" I asked when I felt that I could stop counting.

Billie shook her head. I dared to turn her phone over to look at the battery charge.

2%

"I don't think the blackout is going to be longer than half an hour but the torch isn't going to last that long. Billie?" I touched her cheek lightly with one hand. The other was still holding hers over my heart.
"I'm going to need your phone, just for a second. I'll fix the light and then we just have to wait but it's not going to be dark. It's gonna be ok, I promise."

She nodded against my hand on her cheek.

I got up again, more slowly this time. "Hank, can you help me? Billie, you just sit there and, like, try not to die."