7 days in limbo [Billie Eilish]

DAY V.1: i won't hesitate

"We need her as quick as possible."

"You haven't even made a concrete offer yet."

"I can't make one."

"Why not?"

Richard and my father had gotten into a discussion with Billie's manager. We were sitting around an oval table and my dad was joining the meeting over a call. Finneas was listening politely and his sister was lounging in her chair at the head of the table.

I was still in shock.

The meeting had begun with the offer mentioned in the email. Billie wanted me on her team.

Her manager had explained the job to me. They needed someone to shoot footage during the tour for social media and it would be similar to what I was already used to doing for the Hunted Hall YouTube channel.
On top of that Billie was looking for a new videographer to work with on an upcoming music videos.

"I need time to think about it," was all I had said.

I had not been able to tell if Billie was disappointed at my lack of a reaction.

Even I was disappointed in my lack of a reaction. I wanted to feel thrilled, euphoric even, but all I felt was divided. It was wrong to choose filmmaking just because an opportunity presented itself to me. It was also wrong not to choose it.

I shifted in my seat, feeling uneasy. I was afraid to disappoint Billie and yet I was afraid to follow my impulses. I needed to be rational.

My boss ended the discussion my father was having with the manager and Finneas joined the conversation. I listened to distract myself as they began to talk about the Jäger portfolio.

It worked until I heard rustling and looked to find Billie unwrapping something. She and Finneas had arrived fashionably late to the meeting and we had had no chance to talk yet.
For the entire first part of the meeting I had been avoiding to look in her direction.

Perhaps I was being an asshole for ignoring her, no matter how much the offer confused me.
After what had happened yesterday I thought we had wordlessly agreed on not worrying about anything serious for the short time we had.

Now Billie wanted me to join her on tour and to me that did imply something more serious.

Would I want that? What the fuck do I want?
I felt myself getting frustrated and focused on the meeting again.

Finneas was very specific when it came to choosing the tech for his new studio.
After some time I started to get bored with the endless listing of product details and specifications.
Billie was still quietly rustling with a piece of plastic packaging and I was finally able to make out what she was unwrapping so carefully: a lollipop.

I shook my head lightly with a mixture of amusement and disbelief. Perhaps it's her way of making fun of a serious situation, I thought, or perhaps she just likes sweets.

Billie looked up and found my gaze right as she put it in her mouth.

The abrupt fake cough I let out did nothing to cover up my sharp intake of breath.

Or perhaps she likes testing her power, I mentally added as a third reason.

Richard gave my dry cough an irritated glance but otherwise the meeting continued as if nothing had happened.
When I risked looking back at Billie I found her spinning her chair, still searching eye contact. I could not keep it long. My gaze flickered down and followed her tongue encircling the pink lollipop.

This girl was going to be the death of me.

I licked my lips unconsciously. Somehow I had a sweet phantom taste in my own mouth. Was it cherry or strawberry? I ached to find out.