The life of a sociopath- a Sherlock x Reader x Moriarty fanfic

Chapter 5~

You woke up to find Sherlock fast asleep. Luckily for you as it would be hard to explain the look of sheer horror on your face. What the hell had just happened. You were shocked at yourself, no- disgusted at yourself. How could you have thought that?! You wanted to cry your eyes out right now the pain shooting through you now hit your heart, not your chest. You were ashamed of yourself. You looked over to Sherlock cold tears escaping your eyes as you quickly brushed them away. You took the moment to reflect upon your whole life. Your childhood hadn't been perfect, your parents argued often and you didn't have many friends, your only interests were psychology and even then that didn't get you anywhere but your life had been okay. You moved into 221C when you were 20 and that's when you became friends with Sherlock. Your jobs were going well and you often spent time in 221B talking with the boys after a long day. Your life had been going well until you met him. Moriarty. You didn't know what it was about him, you just couldn't rid yourself of him. You thought back to when you met him, he was so sweet to you which was weird given he was a criminal and why didn't that bother you? Why had you not been repulsed by his nature? Yes, you found criminal psychology interesting but associating yourself with someone who took ease in ending another person's life? How could you? But It didn't stop you of course. You fell hard. But how couldn't you? He was so sweet and prioritized you unlike anyone had before. But then, of course, Sherlock found out. There you made your first choice without thinking straight. You ditched your life to become the criminal's girl. You didn't mind though, Moriarty treated you like his queen. You became his partner in crime completely forgetting about the friends you left behind. You scarred both Sherlock and John and you still couldn't wrap your head around the fact they forgave you. Then, of course, the plan. You contemplated whether it was the correct decision or not. When you got back to 221B for the first time in years everyone surprisingly welcomed you back after some time it swayed your decision. Then, Sherlock, he seemed so broken and as his previous best friend (besides John) you felt for him. Then he fell for you and you can't explain why you felt the same. At that moment you betrayed Moriarty the one who took you in and loved you. You deserved neither of them. You hurt them both. What's even worse is you liked them both. Sherlock the high functioning sociopath with hidden emotions and Moriarty the consulting criminal with a soft side. You've loved and betrayed them both and suddenly felt the wave of guilt and shame wash over you. You had to choose and you had to choose quickly because it's unfair on both of them. You sat there silently pondering on these thoughts as Sherlock remained asleep. You reminded yourself of your current situation you were in. Moriarty had shot you in the chest. You didn't even feel bad about it, you deserved it. You laid back down tears falling quietly from your eyes. You didn't know what to do apart from lay down and cry silently as to not wake up Sherlock. You stopped and fell back asleep.