LANDSLIDE, james potter [2]

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Lyra had been burdened by blazing guilt since she was eleven years old. Ever since the time she had cast Sirius out of her family, just for being a Gryffindor. She had accepted him back with open arms later, of course, being the only one to do so. Yet, she hadn't stopped thinking about it for twenty-four years. 

The next thing was one she hadn't yet atoned for, though it did end up working out for the better. The way she sped along the reveal that her older sister was in love with a muggleborn, making her run away, making them not see each other for five more years. Now she hadn't seen her in almost eighteen years, half her life. She may be in contact with her niece, but Andromeda's face haunted her daily. 

She would never forget the face of Sturgis Podmore as she watched him be tortured, especially as he was hanging around Twelve Grimmauld Place all the time. The way she had tortured her own professor herself, leading him to his death. She had betrayed every part of her that wanted to be good, betrayed Dumbledore and the fight for justice. And for what? For a cousin that was now dead and an old friend now in Azkaban anyway. 

She didn't even want to get started on the pain she had caused James Potter. The pain that had led him and Lily Evans to their deaths, that landed Sirius in Azkaban and made Remus live in solitude for over a decade. 

But at the ripe age of thirty-five (not yet thirty-six, even though her birthday was coming up), Lyra wasn't sure what she why guilty. There were all the things from her past, of course. But there was new guilt and she couldn't tell where it was coming from. 

She felt it when she looked at the Order of the Phoenix, like she was betraying them by being part of the family she was. That she was married to a known Death Eater, with a son that could very well be following that path if she didn't do her best to make sure he didn't.

But then she looked at her husband, no matter how much she loathed him. She knew he would be killed if the Death Eaters found out what she had been doing. Draco, as well. Draco would also be heartbroken that she had spent so much time lying to him, spending all this time with his arch-enemy (he truly had the Black flair for dramatics).

Lyra missed being young, honestly. Before everything had gone to hell and she was just carefree, not knowing anything about the world around her.  Sometimes she thought she might be happy again, that things would go back to the way they were. 

But the more she knew, the less faith she had. And as a member of the Order and the wife of a Death Eater, Lyra knew a lot, unfortunately. 

But that wasn't enough for some members of the Order. They wanted more than Snape could give them as spy. They wanted another one, and there was one they could hide in plain sight. 

"No way," Sirius disagreed during one of their meetings at Twelve Grimmauld Place. 

"Seconded." Remus nodded, agreeing with his old friend. 

"It's a good plan, Sirius, Remus," Hestia Jones retorted with, though casting a distrusting glance Lyra's way.  "One of the only ones we have to get more information about the Death Eaters. Even though I don't trust her."

Tonks rolled her eyes, getting sick and tired of the way she'd been talking about her aunt ever since she joined the Order.  "We've gotten that by now, thanks, Hestia."

"Enough," Moody finally spoke up, his voice commandeering and strong as usual. Everyone quickly quieted down. "Malfoy, you should do it. Finally, you might be able to give us some useful information."

Lyra crossed her arms and leaned back in her chair, exchanging annoyed looks with Sirius. "I've given you plenty of useful information without becoming a Death Eater, Moody."