Hero hero....

Until we're numb

Rupert is sitting on the coffee shop. His leg shaking under the table, his hand messing his hair to many times. He looks like he is about to lose his virginity, nervous, sweating and afraid to say or do the wrong thing.
I get in, rushing to sit down and end this conversation.
"Hi Ema." He says, the hand shaking on his tea cup. He looks at my weird boyish loose outfit. "You look...Are those yours?" He tries to get me smiling.
"Shut up Rupert"
"Sorry."
"Speak." I cross my arms and lean back on the chair, staring at his blue eyes. I wanted to hate him more but I can't lie. My head his drifting in remember the way I have to hate him and my meeting with Hero in less than a hour.
I remember Lily, my sweet friend, and the rage starts growing just a bit.
"Ema I was drunk. I don't how many ways I can beg you to not tell anything to Lily. I love her. I can't lose her because my stupid mistake. I don't know what I was-"
"Don't lie. You weren't that drunk.  I wonder if you were drunk at all..." I say it almost like a certainty. A fact.
"Look, You want honest?"
"You have 8minutes to give it to me"
"I wanted you. All this years. But you were so...kept to yourself. I never had a change to cross the line between your friend and more than that. When I saw you so loose last night, like I never saw you before...I...I...I have no excuse. That doesn't change the fact that I love Lily and want to stay with her. Don't ruin us Ema"
"You did it yourself"
"Bloody hell Ema I know!" He moves on his chair, looking up at the ceiling and then back at me " I'll do anything."
School is almost over, really over. I'll be going to any college somewhere very fucking far from here and probably never hear about Rupert or Lily and thankfully fucking Greta.
The prom is in two weeks, after that night we have two weeks to study for the final exams. Not a foot in school. Just me studying locked up on my bedroom. And then...it's over. Graduation, a last picture, a last forced smile. No more Lily, no more Rupert. they'll probably be together in twenty years from now, with beautiful children in a porch somewhere fancy. And I'll be...alive I guess. Doing I don't know what. But far. Definitely far away from here.
"I won't say anything. But you and I? This is the last time we have a conversation. You'll avoid me at all costs. You'll worship Lily and buy her the most expensive shit she wants. You'll lick her fucking toe if that's what she wants, Got it? If you hurt her, or tried to, again, I'll break the hand you used to touch me."
He nods frenetically, shame covering his features. I get up, announcing the end of our encounter.
"One more thing. Very important. Everything bloody time Greta tries speaking to you, you ignore her or put her in place. Firmly. She is trying to climb your dick since the first day, and you are all there being blind. To you from now on, I'm a ghost and Greta an enemy."
"Absolutely Ema. Thank you so much." He breaths relieved and before he sheds a tear, I leave.

One done...the hardest yet to go.

"Ema? Is that you?" My mum asks, her head on her computer.
"Yes. I'm home, but I'm leaving any minute."
"Where the fuck are you going?" Anthony barks  from the couch. Not a bottle in sight but definitely the usual bad temper. Because it's already afternoon and he is not pissed already, I look at him and answer
" Coffee with a friend"
He looks back at me, trying to find the usual hate on my facial muscles. They are not there. I'm too happy, nervous and excited to worry about him.
"Had fun last night?" My mom's voice continues.
"Yes. Slept like a rock. I have to go change now."
"Hold on." My father gets up, analyzing me "Where are your clothes?"
"I left it in Derek's."
"You spending more time in that house than on your own."
Maybe because I wish they were my family?
"It's always been like that." I respond.
"I don't like it."
"I don't like many things, but here I am, talking to you like you deserve to hear my voice."
I climb upstairs when I see him walking towards me and my mother getting up from where she was sat and grabbing his arm. From my room I could hear
"Anthony stop! She is your daughter!"
"And because of that she can't speak to me like that!"
"She is hurt! You hurt"
"She needs to grow da fuck up."
"She is! That's way in a few weeks she'll be applying to colleges and then leave us. And I don't want to never see my only child again because she hates you. So stop it!"
My heart aches hearing my mother's pain. Her voice was shaking like I bet her lip was too.
I'll be gone and she'll be stuck here with him. It hurts but I can't do anything about it. I have to look after myself. I cannot be trapped in this hell of a house because my mother chose it for her.
I won't choose ir for me.
I don't dream big and bold. I dream The enough amount. I dream to live on a house where bottles don't pile up. Where plates and glasses don't shatter on the walls and people scream from three am to the following bight.
I don't even dream with a family, or a nice husband. I don't dream with a husband at all. If it's me myself and I in a peaceful lonely house, with a decent job and Derek. It's a win already. I'll die happy and accomplished.
I change Derek's clothes to some jeans and a tight shirt. I brush my hair, spray some perfume and wish for the best.
But like I said, I don't dream big and bold.