I WISH THIS WERE A JOKING

Chapter Three: Don't Even

There is one thing in this world that is all too true, and all too painful at the same time. Assault, and people exerting their dominance is all too common. He, my ex wasn't the only person that did this. The other, was one of my own father's friends – and even though we didn't always get along I knew that I needed to talk to someone and so I did. It wasn't that long ago that it happened, my blood still boils when I think of it.

My father had a tendency of making friends with people that really should never have been his friends. It was just the curse of his – he was and still is charismatic. I say was because of how our relationship is and always really has been...it might also be a defense mechanism for how my family has always worked. Which as you may have caught on it doesn't. Still, this isn't about them this is about him. The guy that screwed himself over. This man, I don't even remember how close in age he was to me, I just know he was nearly thirty years younger than my father. Which to me was weird – this man was old enough to have been the baby sitter my parents never would have hired while I was a kid. They didn't ever really need one, they had my sister and I was always independent. Still, it's important to note that he wouldn't have been their first choice.

He, let's call him slime ball had a kid, a baby really and a girlfriend. My father had asked me to give him a ride home when I was heading out to go to a dog sitting job I had lined up. I didn't want to give him a ride home, I had never let anyone know, but I didn't trust him. Something about him made my body scream out in fear. I always hid away whenever he was there and little did I know today, that day, he was drunk. Three sheets to the wind – had a secret flask of tequila in his bag drunk. He was so drunk that when he opened a can of beer in my car and I protested he said that I should "calm down" and be less uptight. His wording was harsher, I don't remember everything but I know that I had only made it to our neighbors house when I first told him off. Honestly, I had turned him down, it wasn't a telling off. It was a polite way to turn someone down other than telling them I'd rather thrust myself into a pit full of spikes...tomb raider style death. If I had been more direct then maybe everything else wouldn't have happened. Truly if I had been more direct while I was still at the house, by telling my father, my aunt, my uncle – anyone really that I didn't feel safe giving him a ride home things would have been different. Still, I hadn't and I can't live in retrospective even if I want to. even if this moment, the one I haven't even told you about yet was a catalyst in my deep looming depression. The depression that I am still currently in.

Still, when we were by my family's mailbox I stopped the car and told him. "I'm sorry no, I respect your girlfriend and child and won't do this", he being an abhorrent asshole told me "what does that matter?" What mattered was the fact that I felt like I could even have been friends with his girlfriend, but now, now that this has happened I don't think I can. I feel guilty, even though I didn't do anything.

He being a charismatic asshole told me he'd stop, and I decided to take the chance and drive. That was the first mistake of the day, I should have kicked him out of the car. Had I, I wouldn't be writing this cautionary tale. Being drunk, pushy, and an asshole he decided to try and pet my knee while I was driving – I told him to stop and he'd listen for a bit and then would try something new. He attempted to kiss my neck, again I told him to stop because I was driving and didn't want to. Honestly, I feel like he would have asserted himself on a watermelon at that point because he was so drunk. I'm not a watermelon even if at times I feel like one, heavy, full of extra unnecessary weight – because of all the years I have over indulged as a means to hide the pain I'm obviously feeling.

I came up with a way to distract him as I drove for a bit and convinced him to play with the music on my phone instead of be a creep. It worked for a bit until I realized the time and remembered that by having to stop and tell him I'd kick him out of the car the dog I was sitting for needed to be let out sooner than later. Making a rash and reckless decision I stopped at their house to walk her. The dog seemed okay with him, but dogs were her problem not people. Maybe she just had radar for people that were bad news...I'm not sure, but I almost wish that he had been attacked by her. One quick bite – but then she would be in jeopardy. She didn't deserve that. Drunkenly, he tried to get my to dance with him and I got out of that by letting him know that I had to feed her and I did before coming up for a reason to leave – I said I needed to help my sister as I wanted to help come up with birthday plans for her son. Which was a lie, it was all a lie. Everything I said was a lie that day. Everything except for all the times I said no.