I'M IN LOVE WITH MY MOTHER'S BOYFRIEND

Decisions Have To Be Made (United)

Picture above doesn't belong to me but a manga, I apologize I forgot the manga name.

___Jessica Pov___

   The more I sunk further into the void, the more I could see clearly of what I wanted and what my regrets are.

Jordan is an amazing guy I've got to admit that, even though I've just ment him over three days I felt like I had known him for a decade. He was very kind and never once had judged me from rumors, or from my mom's harsh words about me.

I don't understand why mom would do something like this to me, and just when I was starting to believe she'd only treated me this way from her pills and drinking. She had stormed the room and attacked me, like I was her tree where she could take out all her anger on.

Why do I always have to feel so weak and pathetic? me dying now let's her get away with everything she has done to me, over the past years as well as Jordan might get stuck in a toxic relationship that no one deserves to be in. It's my fault I should have chased him away when I had the chance, but because I felt like everything was my fault I did nothing and only making the situation worse. Only making myself swim with regrets, if I had a choice maybe just maybe this once I'd be able to fall for Jordan and make him mine without mom getting in my way.

Is it wrong of me to think this and have these feelings that secretly were held inside my heart? I wounder would things end up better if mom had never been in a relationship with Jordan, but she deserves to be happy and I gave her everything while in return I got nothing but bitterness. luckily I had one true friend in my life, but now the one guy I'd like to have is taken by her and I let it happen.

Maybe I do deserve nothing but to faid away, but then again I can hear him calling to me. wanting me to live on, waiting for me to return so I can make him mine.

But what if, just what if he doesn't want me?

I knew I couldn't just wait around and expect anything, I had to tell him how I felt. How my feelings grew, the reasons why I went to the disorder clinic.

Just as I thought of him, he walked through the front door of my place and shutting the door behind he spoke.

"I, visited your mom in the hospital today" I didn't know what to say, so I let him continue. "She is still in a comma, but the doctors say her vitals are stable. It won't be to long before she wakes up."

Tears filled my eyes, I didn't hate my mother I actually loved her. Though, everything she did to me. All these lies, throughout all these years I could have spent with her she'd rather spend it with some guy. I know she won't easily change when she wakes up, but If the note is true and she really does want to make up for being a bad mother then I'll have to learn to forgive her.

Jordan sat down on the couch I was seated at, and he look at me with concern. "I know it was you, it was you at that addiction center telling people that it was there emotions that brought them there." He says, my eyes widened in shock.

"W-what do you mean?"

"Your mother, I had only assumed was the one to say it at as I seen you at the addiction center for the first time. I didn't know, you and your mother didn't get along. However, I picked up the pieces and I confronted her. The reason why she overdosed, is because of me"

I didn't blame him, all he wanted was confirmation. He didn't know at all that mom was still taking the pills on top of drinking, even though he tried to stop her. He had thought he stopped her, but little did he know she was still doing it when he wasn't around and aware of her actions. There, was no one to blame but her for the reason why she is in a comma and I told him just that.

"Honestly, it wasn't your fault. Mom knew what she was getting herself into, she was well aware and still took the risk. Don't blame yourself, her choses in her actions is something only she could control. We can't control at all what people do, we can only do so much"

He gave me a sad smile, at that moment my heart felt broken. It was not the right time to confess my feelings for him, at least I knew what I had to do it was to comfort him.

I hugged him, it was silent for so long yet it didn't feel awkward at all. I could feel the tears from his eyes touch my skin, he didn't make any sound what so ever.

"I, fell in love with you on the day we first met, no even before that. I was confused, because I also had feelings for your mother, though I had my speculations I still couldn't help loving her. The way she tried so hard to keep this house, and the way rumers spread about you, she tried to defend you but it was all to much for her."

"W-what do you mean, I thought she started the rumors?" I asked confusedily

"No, it's not my place to say but I don't want you to hate your mother if she doesn't make out of this" Jordan mumbled

"Jordan tell me please" I pleaded trying to hold back my tears as my hands started shaking I was trembling but I paid no mind to these tremors as I was more determined for answers.

"Your mom found out who had been gossiping around saying some pretty harsh stuff about you it was a girl in the addiction center who stopped going after your first visit her name is Lorraine Vanderbilt your mom tried to make her stop but it only made things worse" my eyes couldn't have widened more.

I remember the first time I went to the addiction center it was before mom and I moved into this house I had refused to tell why I was there but Lorraine was the only one who said why she had said she had PTSD I thought we became friends after she talked to me about her symptoms and why she had it but it looks like she resented me? {So maybe it was my fault}

"Whatever her reasons are I'll find out but for now can you explain why she told me herself how horrible of a daughter I was that I was a slut for stealing all of her ex's making her relationships suffer explain to me why she would go to all these different men and not once ask how I was or even offer to drive me to school why the hell did she pretend I didn't existed even before this whole shit went down?!" At this point it felt like I was breaking I didn't understand anything I was so fusterated so angry and yet why couldn't I just stop loving her!?

"I don't know if this helps but she told me you reminded her of your dad" Jordan said and then it clicked.

My dad she never told me the full story of how she ment with him or how they fell in love or why he left and got locked up. I tried to convince myself I didn't care that he was *just* I spermantor but even know I still wanted to know the truth.

"Thanks Jordan" I whispered as I walked into the kitchen to grab myself a glass of water. "You know I felt like it was my fault for so long but in reality it might be my dad's fault" I said to him after taking a big gulp of my water.

"Why do you think that ?" Jordan asked still seated at the couch

"Mom never spoke of him not after I was born and whenever I asked she just yelled at me saying he abandoned us did something stupid and went to jail she wouldn't tell me anything of how they ment fell in love and had me"

"I think you shouldn't Balme your father until you find out the full story your mom will wake up and when she does you should ask" Jordan said I nodded my head in agreement thanking him.

"So you have feelings for me?" I asked turning around and blushed as my face ran into Jordans broad chest.

"Yes it's true it's been you all this long" he said smiling at me as he wrapped his arms around me I snuggled into his warmth as he hugged my tightly and for a long passionate moment... We kissed...

It was a long deep kiss our lips and tounge interlocking I could taste the faint sweetness of the worthers that desolved into his mouth.

He was mine I finally felt like I had something that no one could take away and in this moment that would be in my memory forever I was finally happy it was like the world was telling me I finally had my happy ending that turns into the begging of a new chapter in my life.

The end