ˌlīəˈbilətē - 2nd definition from the internet"a person or thing whose presence or behaviour is likely to cause embarrassment or put one at a disadvantage"That person was me. I always put someone or even myself in an embarrassing moment. Especially when it comes to the 'drink' time. No matter what I drink, I always end up drunk and I always hate myself for those moment and I still remember all of them. Why when I'm drunk I always texted someone with annoying words and delete them in the morning I woke up? Regretting what happened and being gloomy all day long after that. That was because I always knew that 'this someone' is not gonna text me back even when they already seen the messages I sent. Isn't that one is a liability?That person was always me. I came up to be someone who lived for these past 28 years but couldn't even make money for my own self. I couldn't get a job because I thought that nobody trust me, even some of my best friends. I always show them a disability that they always see; I am not responsible enough with myself. That is why they might think that I can't be responsible with a job too. Maybe.That person was me. A woman with two kids who couldn't be a good enough one to be a mom. I couldn't go to kitchen to cook something for them to eat. I'm fighting with my mood everyday. It swinging and changes in a flash. Pathetically, I knew it and can't even do anything about it. I went to psychiatrist every 10 days. I got the Borderline Personality Disorder because of my trauma long years ago. I feel sorry for anyone who knows me as a person. I'm sorry for my husband that he deal with an evil everyday. I feel sorry for my lovely two babies that they will have me as their mom's. And I'm sorry to myself, for doing those silly things and do the self harming sometimes. I can't promise anyone anything. Isn't it a liability?That person was me. All I can do is drive around the town, singing into the song I listen at that time, mumbling about myself, lying about everything so I can get my 'me' time, losing big deal because of my carelessness and should make a change because of it and being stressed out because I couldn't do anything. How could I still alive today? Should I be grateful for my liability? Is there any positive thing came from my liability? All I want is live happily without all of these liability. I just want to live normally like normal people did. What is going so wrong with me? Should I ask God what is this meant for?And until today and this seconds I breathe, I don't know what my life would be. I just walking on it even if I don't know what would happen tomorrow or the next day because the chaos I made yesterday. And I don't know when my life will end and how it end. Isn't it a liability?
YOU ARE READING
The Unfinished Business
Short StoryA diary about a woman who got too much brokenhearted part of her life, especially from her unfinished loved ones and stories about someone who feel sorry that she was still alive today.
