Pointless McSutcliffe

THE BALLAD OF PAUL AND STUART PT1

A while ago I saw some pictures of Stuart and Astrid together, in which he looked like the clingiest fuck ever. Which is very very cute actually.

However, it made me think of Stu and Paul getting involved *somehow*, shagging, and Stu going all nuts over him.

Basically: Annoyingly Clingy Art Dork Stu trying and failing to seduce an Exasperated Paul who didn't sign up for this and just wanted to get laid.

Few angsty moments peppered here and there as Stu falls more and more in love and Paul grows sicker and sicker of this bastard who refuses to leave him alone. And y'all know Paul was a cruel bitch when he wanted to be... This will hurt.

((((I am willing to break Stuart's heart over and over, but not to kill him. He Never Dies, in any of my AUs, because I'm an asshole but not that kind of asshole))))

Mostly I want Paul to eventually grow resigned and let Stu love him all over until he starts falling as well.

Stu does all the Abhorrent Admirer shit, like painting and drawing and taking photos of Paul all the time, scaring birds away from him, covering him in unwanted kisses and holding tight to his arm all the time.

I can even imagine him bargaining with John over who sleeps where so he can cuddle up to Paul all night ((Paul straight up breaks off him in the middle of the night and sneaks into either John or George's beds)).

Btw John thinks this whole thing is hilarious and keeps mocking Stu over his terrible taste on men, much to Paul's dismay. Stu himself doesn't care, he knows how to ignore bullies alright.

Paul keeps telling him to back the fuck off, chillax, get over it, but obviously Stu doesn't listen either.

This is dangerously close to becoming a Yandere AU, except that Stu is completely harmless and when Paul loses his patience and outright pushes him away and tells him to get lost (with some rather humiliating elements I can't be bothered to think of right now), all Stu does is break down crying and effectively leave Paul alone. Which in turn makes Paul feel guilty and so on and on.

Also, at some point Stu gets accidentally dragged into a fight and punched in the face (((don't worry he Never Dies))), and Paul is immediately there to pull him off and go all 'THAT'S MY BOYFRIEND YOU FUCKING PRICKS!!!!' and beat the shit outta whoever hurt Stu.

And after all is said and done, Stu is holding an ice pack to his face, beaming and grinning and shaking in place, and Paul wonders 'what's it to ya?'. And Stu giggles and blushes 'I am your boyfriend~'.

Which means Paul is doomed to never hear the end of this. Stu addresses him as nothing but 'boyfriend' for like a month and Paul rolls his eyes the entire time but secretly loves it.

****

"Hold me like one of your grudges" is something clingy!Stuart would totally say to Paul. And Paul would feel insulted by it and walk away, unimpressed.