The Difference

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Jeno sighs and knocks on his sister's door. He waits a moment as he hears the scurrying of tiny feet, smiling when his nephew opens the door. The little boy frowns when he sees his uncle's sad face and reaches up to grab Jeno's hand. He leads the boy into the room, calling out to his mom.

"Momma, Uncle Nono is sad." The woman turns, sighing when she sees the state of her youngest brother.

"Chan, how about you go find grandma, ok? I'm sure she'd love to see you." Sooyun smiles sweetly at her son and gestures for him to close the door as he leaves. Jeno sits down on the bed beside his sister, sighing loudly. "What's wrong Jeno?"

"Yunnie, am I..." He pauses, looking at his lap. "Am I really a mistake?" He looks at her, tears stinging his eyes. "Am I really a disappointment to the family?"

Yes, Jeno may not want to work in the family business. Yes, Jeno may want more freedom, but he also just wants to make his dad proud. As rebellious as Jeno is, he just wanted his dad's support. And yet, all he was to Mr. Lee was a failure, a disappointment, a mistake. He wasn't Doyoung or Jaehyun. He wasn't controllable and to his father, that was a bad thing. But after a while, it gets to you. To know you aren't what your parents wanted. To know that you're different, and in a bad way. The endless comparing to his brothers, the countless fights and arguments. Jeno loved his father, but at this point, he wasn't sure if his father loved him back.

"God Jeno no, you are nothing of the sort. Dad is just being...complicated. He doesn't really mean it."

"Yes he does Yunnie. You guys don't deal with it like I do. You don't see the disgust in his eyes." Jeno lets his tears fall. "I'm really a useless son, aren't I." He says, less like a question but more as a statement.

"Jeno...you have to promise not to tell anyone else this, ok? Especially not Jaehyun." The boy nods, a confused pout on his face. Sooyun smiles. "You want to know why I was never asked to participate in corporate meetings, nor why I was never set up on dates? Why I was allowed to marry who I wanted. Do what I wanted. I was free."

"It's because you're the oldest, isn't it?"

Sooyun shakes her head, sighing softly. "No, Jeno. It's because I'm a girl." She holds his hand, a weak smile on her face. "When I was 10, and you were only 3 at the time, I overheard a conversation between mom and dad. It was about me. They were discussing the future of the company and my dad said, and I remember it as clear as day, he said..." She pauses and takes a breath. "He said: 'We can't have Sooyun run the company. She is just a girl, she doesn't have the means nor ability that her brothers have. A woman can't run the business like a man can.' You don't know how upset mom got." Sooyun laughs dryly. "I ran upstairs and the next day I acted as if I didn't know a thing. But I knew, I knew what he really thought of me. Ever since then, my respect for dad has lessened. I still love him of course, and part of me is grateful that I was more free than our brothers, but...now that I know the reason, I never saw him the same way. I picked up on the little things, the way he would eye our maids. How he would put down and mansplain to mom. Before, I thought he was always so nice and gentle with me because I was his first born. His precious daughter whom he would protect forever. But no, he was caring to me because he thought I was fragile. That I was over-emotional. He doesn't have respect for me, nor mom for that matter."

"He's an ass."

"I know. But mom always taught me to stay strong. To not let men walk all over me. That I was more than what they made me, and I'm really grateful for mom. You know, she doesn't mind you not working at the company. She supports you."