Love Is This, This Is Love

Chapter 29

I haven’t left my house in days. It’s Friday, and tomorrow is the karaoke night in NYU. I don’t want to go without Wade. I told Danny that we both would be coming. But I also told Danny what happened. I told him the next day after it all happened. When I came home that day, I didn’t come out of my room. I came down for food sometimes, but I stayed locked up in my room the next day. I called Danny, and I cried to him about everything that happened. I told him that we took a break… It still hurts to say it. But I think by Thursday which was yesterday, I calmed down over that. But I started crying over my mom again. I didn’t have Wade to be my distraction, I didn’t want to talk to my siblings, and Danny can’t leave school to take care of his best friend. I just remembered what I told Wade about my mom: The fact that if it weren’t for Phillip for saying what he said; I would be crying and smelling her perfume and looking at pictures of her. And that is exactly what I have been doing.

I miss her so much. If she was here, she would be the person that would march into my room and wouldn’t leave until she knew what happened. Then she would give me the best mom advice ever. She would know what to do in my situation, she would tell me what she would do, and then I would be fine. But she’s not here. She’s gone and I miss her.

I need my mom.

*

After a nap, I woke up just in time for dinner. I think that was a magical nap because I started to feel somewhat better. I sat down with my family and ate dinner. I told them that I got into a fight with Wade, but I will be alright, it’s mostly that I miss mom still. I told them that I wasn’t really done with grieving – I guess there will never be a time that you will be done with grieving.

After dinner, I walked to my room and decided to try and see if Wade will open up to me again.

I texted him that the karaoke night was tomorrow and that I wouldn’t go without him. I told him that Danny, Mary, Derek, Chad would be there. I told him that Phillip would be there too, I told him that I wouldn’t lie to him about whether he was going to be there or not. I told him that it would be fun. And lastly, I told him that I loved him.

Sending the text, I went to sleep.

***

“You got everything? Keys, wallet, bag, camera, phone?” Dad asked being paranoid.

I laughed, “Dad, NYU is not that far. The school I go to is at a different state. Why are you worrying so much?”

“Because, your mom would act like this and I’m trying to be both the worrying mother and the protective yet chill dad.” He smiled.

“You’re great the way you are. And I got everything. I’ll be back late though.”

“If you’re coming really late, then maybe you can see if Mary or your brothers have room for you to crash at their dorm. I don’t want you to drive back here at night, it’s dangerous.” My dad said squeezing my wrist.

“I will see Daddy.” I smiled and gave him a hug. Daisy and Rocky were at the door.

“Take lots of pictures. Tell Danny to take the ones when you and Mary are up there. I want to look at these pictures and put them together, in order, and at least pretend I was there.” Daisy said. I hugged the both of them and said bye to all of them and went out the door.

I dug into my bag looking for my keys for the car. When I looked up, my heart felt like it was lifted and super glued together to be as fat and as big and happy any heart can be.

There he was, leaning on his car with coffee in hand and grinning.

“Wade-“

“We have a karaoke night to attend to. And I must see you sing your heart out. We are going to sing, I will sing along with the songs you and Mary sing, we will eat carbs and get drunk. I am going to have fun with my girlfriend again.” He said smiling and he handed me the coffee.